There was a bit of a traffic jam up in town yesterday. This is not a rare event and the jam,as usual, was between the semáforos (traffic lights). Anyone familiar with this fine town of Álora (la bien cercada) will know where I mean as we only have one set of traffic lights. This particular jam was not caused by a driver abandoning his (or her) car (hazards on) between the lights to buy some cigarettes, have a quick mitad doble in Candelaria's or get a haircut at La Barbería Hermanos Cid. No. They were putting up our Christmas decorations. It won't be long before Santas are abseiling from balconies and snowmen grin at you from shop windows even though 90% of Perotes (Alorenians) have never seen snow.
Mrs. Sánchez and I usually only manage a quick festive tour of our gaily lit streets before it's time for us to head back to good old Brexit Blighty and our winter residence but we can always find time to take in Málaga's luxuriant luminescence.
Málaga Capital will be switching their lights on this Thursday, so on Friday we'll be off down there on the train to see them and maybe fit in a few tapas and copas.
2015 in Málaga
Álora 2015I know which I prefer. Málaga always goes a bit over the top.
Even though I'm getting very excited about all the Christmas stuff, what with all the festive adverts on English TV., Black Friday, eating turkey meat and paying a king's ransom for 50 second class stamps, let's remember....
....The Real Meaning of Christmas.
As religious festivals go Navidad (Christmas) comes in a poor second here in Álora. Semana Santa wins hands down. Baby Jesus, Mary and Joseph and the Angels can't compete with the pain and suffering of Crucifixion Week. Consequently Christmas is, on the whole, a very quiet time. Some of the Easter cofradias and hermandades have even been putting on some Easter-style processions just to remind everyone who's boss.
The traditional festive frenzy of spending on presents and food is not very different from in the UK but in Spain they have managed to separate most of the nasty commercialism (NOT the Real Meaning of Christmas) from The Real Meaning of Christmas. They have their Christmas at the usual time but give the presents on January 6th. (Reyes Magos or Epiphany) when The Three Kings take the lead roles.This is a much more sensible arrangement. You still get Noche Vieja (New Year's Eve), which is little bit livelier (if you're fond of grapes) and you can buy all your presents in the Rebajas de Enero (January Sales)
Apart from the Christmas Lights, Reyes Magos and Turrón
Málaga's official Belén will open to the public on December 5th.in the Town Hall. It will have scenes representing all aspects of the Christmas Story including the angel's visit to Mary, Mary explaning to Joseph how she got pregnant and the Slaughter of the Innocents. The main feature, the stable scene in called 'El Misterioso'.
Rute, a small town near Córdoba has a chocolate one. Mmmm.
Did you know there was a boating lake in Bethlehem?
Lots of families have Belenes in their houses. A lady round the corner from us, Pepita, has a big one in her living room and adds something to it every year. Mrs. Sánchez usually buys a figure or a building for it. You can buy Belén items at the same shops that sell the usual statues of virgins, crucified Jesuses, hooded 'nazarenos' and rosaries. Most towns have one.
These days many of the big Belenes have novelty items such as streams with running water, spinning wheels that spin, waterwheels that rotate, camels that walk, sheep that go `Baaaa', cattle that low, electric trains and a baby Jesus that sits up and says.'Who's the daddy?' My favourite character is the 'caganer' ('crapper') . He is nearly always a man and can usually be found squatting behind a shed or a tree having an enormous 'dump'.
These charming chaps started squatting in the Belenes of Cataluña and Valencia in the late 17th. century (according to 'Friends of The Caganer') and are now a compulsory feature there. In 2005 Barcelona City Council commissioned a Belén without a caganer and there was a public outcry. The City Council capitulated and one was added quicker than you could say 'Drop 'em!'
Originally caganers were dressed as Catalan peasants with a red cap but these days they are made in all shapes and forms.
Recognise this topical turdster?
That brings us to this week's caption competition. Answers in a plain, sealed envelope with the usual 10€ entry fee.I can't resist a slight scatalogical sidetrack into Spanish 'shit' related slang, so anyone with a nervous disposition or a delicate stomach is advised to turn to page 45.
The Spanish love the verb 'cagar' (to shit) and cagarse (to shit oneself) and it's Chile's second most popular slang word.
'¡Ahora sí que la hemos cagado!' Now we've really messed things up!
'¡Si Trump es presidente, cagamos!' If Trump is President, we've had it!
'¡Cagó la lavadora!' The washing machine is knackered!
'¡Cagó la revolución!' The revolution was a flop!
Get the picture?
My favourites are the ones using cagarse :
'Hace un frío que te cagas´ It's very cold.
Me cagué de la risa That was really funny.
Se están cagando de miedo They are really worried.
There appear to be any number of ways to say 'Damn!'. Here are a few;
¡Me cago en la mar! I shit in the sea.
¡Me cago en diez! I shit in ten.
!Me cago en las autoridades! I shit on the authorities.
¡Me cago en la leche! I shit in the milk.
¡Me cago en la leche de tu madre! I shit in your mother's milk
¡Me cago en la leche de tu madre, tu abuela y la vecina! I shit in the milk of your mother,your grandmother and the lady next door.
I have never heard anyone say any of those in 15 years. People in Álora are much too polite, even though they all go around calling each other 'Coño'! and you can hear this one any day in any of the cafeterías and bars in Álora;
'¡Ésta cagaillo mosca!' This is fly shit. (this coffee tastes really nice.)
Anyway, getting back to The Real Meaning of Christmas, many towns and villages are trying to engage with The Nativity in a more meaningful and personal way. The 'Belén Viviente' (Living Nativity) is becoming very popular.
Álora is putting on its 4th, annual one this year. People dress up as 'nativity' characters and reconstruct Bethehem as it was when Mary and Joseph arrived. It's a bit like a school nativity play on the streets. In this short video of Álora's first one you can see our esteemed and much loved Alcalde (mayor) Jose Sánchez Moreno (no relation) looking just a little embarrassed in his stunning Palestinian get up. Alora' fiirst Belen Viviente
The songs the children are singing are traditional Christmas songs called 'villancicos' .
Olive Oil News.........
Olive crops round here have been disappointing this year. Everyone is blaming the lack of rain over the last two years. At last it's raining this week.
Olivar Caicunes had a good crop of small hard olives which our team of enthusiastic volunteer olive pickers picked enthusiastically and we have 140 litres of picante (peppery) oil. A sure sign of good quality,
Well done everyone.
Feliz Navidad!
Juanito Sánchez. 23rd. November 2016 .
