Álora's first mobile Flamenco performer and 'Cursed be the flies of your land.'

Álora's first mobile flamenco performer and 'Cursed be the flies of your land'.

First of all here is the answer to last week's competition. I received no entries at all, (except one from a Mrs. Sánchez who I suspect to be a close relation and therefore must be disqualified) which was rather surprising given the high quality of the prizes and the interesting subject. The question was:
What do these three have in common?

Of course, the answer was:

Me siento como una mosca en la leche ( I feel like a  fly in the milk') and
Me siento como un pulpo en un garaje ( I feel like an octopus in a garage)

both mean 'I feel like a fish out of water'.
The Bishop of Ghana said that he didn't fancy being pope because he'd feel........well

No competition this week, or ever.

                                                                  Andrés


This is Andrés. He can be seen most mornings in  La Plaza de la Fuente Arriba driving round the square on his shiny motorbike singing flamenco at the top of his voice. Usually he has his dog 'Pinuto' on the pillion.I don't think he is being paid to do it by the ayuntamiento. Indeed, the other day he parked right outside the door of the ayuntamiento and spent a good hour polishing his bike and singing loudly whilst two policía eyed him suspiciously but were not moved to join in with the singing.

                                                       Andrés with 'Pinuto'

I suspect that he may be asked to stop doing it soon.

Last Sunday, Mrs. Sanchez and I fancied a day out so off  we went to Alozaina for the first re-enactment of the historic but so far uncelebrated heroic defence of the town by Maria Sagredo in 1570. Alozaina also hosts the annual 'Day of the Olive' in September which attracts hundreds of visitors. I was hoping to find the same cheese stall that was in Casarabonela last year for it's 'Day of the Spanish Inquisition' (see Man In Alora September 2013). I bought a piece of cheese there which I can still taste 8 months later.

Unfortunately the only stalls there were selling dodgy pottery, drinks and tapas. I had a beer and Mrs. Sanchez had a 16th. century rustic pot cup of wine called 'mosto' which comes from Yunquera, the next village up the road and tasted like piss. It ended up in a plant pot of marigolds. Lots of people were dressed up as 'people from a long time ago'. The programme said there would be a series of enactments on a specially constructed stage.The One o'clock show, 'Allah Akbar' had not started by 2 o'clock but the patient audience stood patiently in the midday hot sun sipping their mosto and watching a nasty little boy going up to the other kids (all in fancy dress) and slapping them across the face or thumping them in the chest  This went on for 15 minutes or so  and was quite entertaining and helped to pass the time. No one  seemed to mind these brutal shenanigans but Mrs.Sánchez and I discussed the various painful punishments which might do him a bit of good.

Apparently, in 1570, 78 years after Ferdinand and Isabella expelled all the Jews and 'moors' (muslims) from Spain there were still a few disgruntled Islamic terrorists hiding up in the mountains waiting for a chance to sweep down on Alozaina and impose Sharia law and ban pork products,Cruzcampo, San Miguel and castanets. One day, when all the men of fighting age were away in Casarabonela buying cheese, the 'moriscos' took advantage of the situation and attacked the town. They killed Maria Sagredo's father, so she 'grabbed a crossbow and heroically defended the walls of Alozaina'. When the other women saw her bravery they joined in by chucking beehives down at the terrorists. The scene now forms part of the town's coat of arms.

                                   Maria Sagredo throwing beehives at the 'moriscos'

If this wasn't enough to send them on the run, the women then shouted, ' Cursed be the flies of your land!' and they all ran away.

                               a few enthusiastic 'actors' waiting for it all to start.


By 2 o'clock we were not the only people who were fed up with the wait so nos piramos and drove up the road to Jorox (pronounced 'horrocks') where a nice chap called Antonio, who has the only bar in the village, gave us some paella and salad. Very nice too.

                                
                                                                  Jorox


Yesterday one of my shoelaces was on the point of breaking so I went to a shoe shop to buy some new ones. 'Sorry we don't sell them, try the ferretería (ironmonger)'. No luck. I asked around and finally found a pair in the estanco (tobacconist) belonging to the Consigliere family in the main square. Matilde was busy serving someone with bacalau  (salt cod) when I went in.

May 20th. 2014

An octupus in the garage. A fly in the milk and the Bishop of Ghana.

What have an octopus in a garage, Cardinal Turkson of Ghana and a fly in milk got in common?





This week's competition should hold no difficulty for readers of this intellectual organ. As usual, answers on a postcard inside an envelope with the customary 5€ note please, and mark the envelope "Soraya Saenz,  Deputy Prime Minister of Spain".

I read today that most people are less interested in learning the truth than being entertained, so here goes.

In Álora you are never far from a fiesta which can mean a party or a holiday. Foreign residents in Spain could be excused for thinking that public holidays happen almost every week. This year Spain has.nine public holidays which are nearly all linked to Jesus or Mary. El Día del Trabajador (May 1st.), El Día de la Constitución (December 6th.) and New Year's Day are exceptions  Some provinces  also have a day off for El Día de la Hispanidad (October 12th.) which also happens to the day of the Virgin of Pilar, patron virgin of the good old Guardia Civil or 'La Benemérita' as it is never called.
With any luck most of these holidays will fall on a Thursday or a Friday so everyone with a job can make a long weekend of it or puente (bridge) and go back to work on Tuesday if they feel up to it. Some don't make it back to work as road deaths peak  during the long weekend.
How different from England and Wales, land of 'hard working people', where there are eight 'bank holidays' this year

We had the Mayday puente last week. Festivities included a big demo in Málaga, a procession of Álora's 'Virgen de la Cabeza' (head) down by the station , painting in the Plaza de la Fuente Arriba and the 3rd. Fiesta del Meceero (Festival of the Swing) in Calle Negrllos.

This a very old tradition going back two years and celebrates swinging eligible young girls over the steep streets while people sing coplas (short songs) about them. Some of them extol the beauty and virtue of the swinger; some are rude. Pepe Rojas led the singing. Mrs. Sánchez had a go on the swing too. The word 'capullo' seemed to crop up a lot in the songs. In the dictionary it says the meaning is 'bud' but 'wanker' is another local interpretation .



                 Mrs. Sánchez. Was she pushed?

Pepe sang a copla to me too . I didn't understand a word of it but everyone seemed amused.

                                       Some of  The Independent Artists of Álora


Just round the corner from Calle Negrillos a group of Álora artists were busy painting and sketching because they wanted to. The pictures were displayed at the end of the day. Everybody in Álora had been invited but only six turned up. I expect everybody else  was watching the procession of the Virgin, swinging in Calle Negrillos or  demonstrating in Málaga. Incidentally, but fascinating too, is the fact that here in Álora if you want to get out of doing something you just have to say, 'Lo siento pero tengo que ir a Málaga' (Sorry I've got to go to Málaga) and everyone will accept it as a reasonable excuse.

When you drive back from Málaga to Álora on the N357 you may notice a big new building on the right near Cartama. It's El Centro Hospitalario de Alta Resolución de Especialidades del Guadalhorce. This is the new hospital that will serve the towns and villages of the Guadalhorce valley, which includes Álora and will serve over 105,000 very patient patients It has cost 22 million euros and I'm sure you will agree it is a lovely building.

                                                         Our new hospital


We have been waiting for it since 2005. The building was finished several years ago but there was no money for equipment and no electricity supply which along with doctors, nurses and other hospital staff are essential items in any self respecting hospital. There has been a longstanding  plataforma (campaign) in the area to get the hospital opened before it starts falling down.

                                                   Open the Hospital Now!


Here's the Álora branch of the campaign marching to the site led by our alcalde José Sánchez Moreno (no relation) in the striped shirt.

Well, at a meeting last week in Cártama it was announced that the money had been found for equipment and furniture and even for all the electric plugs and wires and stuff but they hadn't decided who was going to pay for an access road from the N357 to the hospital. 'Goodness knows how they got all the building materials in there' said Mrs. Sánchez (yes relation).
Apparently the alcalde of Cártama, Jorge Gallardo, said that he didn't see why Cártama should have to pay for the road just because it was on his patch and it wasn't fair to blame him for the hospital not opening and he was going to ask the Málaga provincial government for a sub. I don't know why  people take on these demanding jobs, apart from the 50,000 € salary of course.
Then the representative from the Andalusian junta said the hospital will open 'as soon as possible'. So that's all right then.

You'll have to wait for the next eagerly awaited edition for the answer to the  competition, but there is a comments box if you fancy a try.

May 10th.2014

Operation Big Potato, 6 arrests, 2 car crashes and a kilo of Broad Beans

Operation Big Potato, 6 arrests, 2 car crashes and a  kilo. of Broad Beans.

                                                          Billy Broad Bean


When we were kids the first thing we did at the start of the summer holidays was go up to the park to wax the slide. Sliced bread wrappers in hand we rubbed the brass surface of the Wicksteed Wonder until it gleamed along the whole of its length and we could shoot down at breathtaking speed and fall off the end. That was in the days when sliced bread was wrapped in waxed paper, was still 'the best thing' and we made our own amusements (with a bit of help from Charles Wicksteed &Co.)

"Playground slides are associated with several types of injury. The most obvious is that when a slide is not enclosed and is elevated above the playground surface, then users may fall off and incur bumps, bruises, sprains, broken bones, or traumatic head injuries. Some materials, such as metal, may become very hot during warm, sunny weather." (Wikipedia)

Well, who'd have thought?

                                                     
                                                       The good Old Days.

Something similar happens here in Álora every Semana Santa (Easter). Hundreds of three foot long marching candles drop wax on the routes of the processions which is then spread around the steep streets of the town and  buffed up to a hard sheen by Easter Monday. As a result The 'Clinico' hospital in Málaga has its busiest time of the year tending to people who have fallen or crashed their cars trying to negotiate steep, polished bends and junctions. Doctors, nurses and radiologists are able to get some practice dealing with fractures which they would otherwise miss as we don't have icy roads in winter. The squeal of car tyres can be heard all round town at all hours of the day and night. Very entertaining as you wait for the sound of buckling metal.

The newspaper 'Sur in English' last week reported that six  Álora residents had been arrested following a shock Guardia Civil swoop on the Plaza Baja area (sometimes referred to as El Casco Histórico ) where Mrs. Sánchez and I have our residence. It was called 'Operación Papón' (Operation Big Potato) and must have been very hush hush because we slept right through it all and were not raided.

                                                             
                                                             The Haul

That's an air pistol. It gave me a bit of a fright too, especially as my neighbour H. says someone pointed a gun at him a few weeks ago when he told them the F*** O** (Fuck Off).
I thought he was mistaken but not now. Naturally we have put our house up for sale. We had no idea this sort of thing was going on. If you're wondering what's on the table, Mabel, apart from the gun there's "39 doses of cocaine, 5 grams of MDA (?), anabolic steroids and other drugs, some money, five mobile phones, a car, a motorbike  and a big potato" (not pictured).
Shrewd readers of this organ may have noticed that there was a big 'drugs swoop' the week after Semana Santa last year.https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2716687425844862439#editor/target=post;postID=7547641736648944802;onPublishedMenu=allposts;onClosedMenu=allposts;postNum=12;src=postname

On a lighter note, yesterday was 'El lX Día de la Haba' (pronounced 'Abba') (The Ninth Day of the Broad Bean)', but only in Villanueva de la Concepción which is up in the hills near Antequera. We thought Chris and Hilary deserved a treat on their last day here so we invited them to come too. Unfortunately it clashed with the procession of one of Álora's two patron virgins, 'La Virgen de la Cabeza' (The Virgin of the Head), but I calculated that if we set off early we could do the Broad Bean celebrations AND get back in time for a free plate of callos (mmm.) down at the V de la C. shindig  by the station.

                                                     La Virgen de la Cabeza

The Virgen de la Cabeza  procession. If you look closely you can see the Guardia Civil boss of 'Operation Big Potato' telling the Alcalde (mayor) about the (hush hush) drug swoop.

It took about an hour and a half to drive to Villanueva de la Concepción through the stunning spring scenery of the hills below El Torcal. The views across to the coast alone were worth the journey which was just as well.

The narrow streets of V.N,de la C. were lined with attractive stalls and packed with visitors determined to have a good time.

 The only things in short supply were Broad Beans. Even though Billy Broad Bean mingled with the revellers his favourite vegetables were difficult to find. The one Stall actually selling the fresh product was doing a roaring trade but by the time we found it I was looking for a bar. Mrs. Sanchez was not having this and said, " You can't go to a Broad Bean Fest and not buy some Broad Beans". So we bought some.

 Tonight we had tortilla de habas. (broad bean omelette). Very nice too.

28th. April 2014.

Recession deepens in Álora. No rise for Jésus for second year running.

Nearly everyone in Álora agrees that this year's Semana Santa (Holy Week) has been a great success. The weather was glorious for the whole week and all the main processions went off without a hitch; no collapsing balconies , no collapsing portadores (throne carriers) and the bars did a roaring trade, including the 'pop up' bars that suddenly appeared in shops, half built abandoned buildings, people's front rooms and the backs of vans, only to disappear just as suddenly before they could be asked to pay for licences, taxes, rents etc.

The Despedía (Farewell) attracted thousands of hungry and  thirsty people to Álora on Friday and all the bar owners are now walking around like Cheshire cats.
The Plaza Baja de la Despedía bathed in its one-day-a-year celebrity.
They came. They drank They dropped their cans and bottles and they left.

                                Plaza Baja de la Despedía. Viernes Santo 3.00 pm.

                                  Plaza Baja de la Despedía Viernes Santo 5.30pm.

Everyone has their favourite hermandads and cofradias and favourite moments of Semana Santa. Some just love the atmosphere, the heaving bars, the smell of incense, the near lethal roads splattered with candle wax, the toy drums bought by loving parents for their enthusiastic and insomniac little children which can be heard at all times of the day and night. I could go on.......

The main stars, as usual, were Jesús, el Señor de las Torres, and La Virgen de Dolores Coronada. We are very lucky living on Calle Benito Suarez (Calle Bermejo if you are over 80 years old) because nearly all the processions pass right by our door and we have the priviledge not only of having ringside seats but of being  serenaded by the drums and trumpets sometimes until 3.00am. when they return after a hard night's parading.

                                       El Señor de las Torres passing our house

                        La Virgen de Dolores Coronada just after passing our house.

                                                 Tommy loves a parade


For me, though, the unsung star of Semana Santa has been Juani from across the street. You may remember him from the previous issue of this organ.

                                                                     Juani

Juani is Álora's main enthusiast. He seems to be in all the parades, and apart from  Real Madrid Football Club, Semana Santa is his afición. He has a display of processions in miniature in his zaguán (entrance hall) and he was there right at the end yesterday when The Domingo de Resurrección procession was cancelled 'por lluvias' (because of rain).

          Juani (in Real Madrid shirt) and his museo with Mrs. Sánchez and  a little boy.

 

A small, but dedicated band of enthusiasts gathered in La Iglesia de la Encarnación for a group photo while the rain belted down (de cojones) outside.(Where's Juani?)

This is the second year running that rain has prevented Santísimo Cristo Resucitado  from making his progress through the town and bringing  Semana Santa to a close. The Domingo de Resurrección procession  is not the responsibility of any one hermandad or cofradia but is  a joint effort and all the heads of the various hermandades attend. All over  Spain Easter Sunday attracts very little interest,  although we had noticed that more people had been turning up than in past years. Perhaps it's because everybody has spent all their money. There are no Easter eggs here or chocolate bunnies and Monday is a normal day with all the banks and shops open.It would be a better idea, in my opinion, if they bought their kids chocolate eggs instead of drums, but where would they buy them?

To non- Spanish eyes the Semana Santa processions may appear deeply religious and very serious. They are THE main event of the year and nearly everybody seems to be involved. It is a great social occasion and brings together families and affiliated groups in a way not seen in the UK. Given that less that 25% of Spanish people attend church regularly these days (it's a lot less than that here from what I can see from my close vantage point) religion is not visibly an element in the Semana Santa parades although the Easter story and some of the characters are from the New Testament (Jesus, Mary, a donkey and St. John the Evangelist if you want to stretch a point) . The priest (NB one priest to 15,000 'catholics') does not seem to be involved except for the launch of Semana Santa and in the masses that take place in the church during the week. The processions look very serious, especially the last one on Friday night when all the lights go off in the town and hundreds of adults and children march slilently (apart from a drum of course) through the streets.

On the other hand there is some levity. Marchers, even the ones in hoods,  often call and wave to their friends, lots of posing for photographs takes place and smoking is allowed if you are carrying a throne as long as it's done during one of many rest stops (every ten yards).

And then there are the big hermandad dinners and general whooping it up in the bars. 

On Saturday afternoon my friend Chris and I were returning from a traditional 'Vuelta' round some of the more select Álora bars and we happened to pass by the sede (headquarters) of the the Dolores hermandad on Calle La Parra. The noisy hubbub and people outside the entrance signalled that there was some kind of a 'do' going on. As luck would have it Pepe D. was in the doorway and invited us in for a 'torrija', a traditional Semana Santa delicacy. 

                                                                    torrijas

Chris was keen to get home but was easily persuaded to go in and join the party. We were handed torrijas, cake and a steaming hot plastic beaker of hot chocolate which tasted like melted Cadbury's Dairy Milk. We had just missed the main event. The Dolores Hermandad had just enacted a pantomime version of the Despedía. Pepe showed us some pictures on his 'phone. Nothing serious about those scenes. And the 'director' of the whole performance had been Juani himself! still dressed in his Dolores Hermanded cassock. After some presentations and speeches led by Juani we resisted the many calls for us to stay and have a drink  went to look for Mrs. Sanchez and Mrs.Chris.

Roll on next Easter.

April 21st 2014

It's beginning to smell a lot like Easter

It's Beginning to Smell a Lot Like Easter

                                                     Azahar on our lemon tree

The air around here is heavy with the wonderful scent of the orange and lemon trees which are in flower. The weather is warm and sunny and the bees are taking advantage of the good flying conditions. Although lemons (limones), oranges,(naranjas) limes (limas) and grapefruit (pomelos) have very differerent appearances and tastes, they are all citrus fruits (citron medica) and their blossom looks and smells the same. You can grow them all on the same tree. The Spanish name for the blossom of all four  is azahar and is unmistakably an arabic word, like azafrán (saffron) and azafata (air hostess). There used to be a perfume factory in Álora which made perfume from the oils of the oranges and lemons. The building is still there, down by the station. It was a 'nitespot' for a time and made a lot of noise on Saturday nights.

                                                    The Perfume factory

There is a very good bar in Álora called Cafetería Azahar which is run by a nice lady called Candelaria and does very good bacon sandwiches. There is a street here which is lined for most of its 400 metre length with orange and lemon trees and at the moment is a joy to walk down. It is called Calle Cantarranas which translates as 'The street of the singing frogs'. There is another street called Calle Naranjos (orange trees) which is treeless. Where's the sense in that?
Lemons are of Persian origin and were brought to Spain by the the Arabs and Berbers (Moors) who invaded Spain from Morocco in 711AD. They stayed until 1492AD. That's nearly 800 years.
We've got a limonero in our garden which looks as though it might be one of the originals. At the moment it's in blossom and has two kinds of lemons on it because lemon trees fruit twice a year. The lemons are a different shape.

                                                               Early lemon

                                                
                  

                                                            Late lemon

The 'late' lemons are dropping off now and we should be picking the early ones but we just can't give them away. They are 30p each in Sainsburys at the moment (earlies) so if you fancy jumping on a plane with a big empty bag, you can have as many as you like. The late ones with the lump at the end have thicker skins but they are both great when you mix them with gin,tonic and ice.

When the Moors invaded Spain it was ruled by Visigoths (pronounced Bizigoths in Spanish). The Visigoths, led by King Roderick ,didn't put up much of a fight and in eight years the muslim conquerors had occupied Spain and Portugal and parts of France. The Visigoths haven't left much behind for us to remember them by. They did make some pretty jewellery and a few of their churches remain and they had nice writing too.

                                                          Visigoth church

                                                             Visigoth writing

                                                           Visigoth brooches

Something must have kept them busy apart from building churches, making ornaments, worrying about the immigration problem and trying to look like Robert Smith out of The Cure.

Semana Santa (Holy Week) has kicked off in earnest today. The Plaza Baja was crammed a week ago with thousands wanting to see Jesus de Las Torres being carried up to the little chapel at the castle where he will stay until Jueves Santo (Maundy Thursday). Meanwhile this morning, Domingo de Ramos, (Palm Sunday) another version of himself left the church atop a donkey followed by his mum María Santísima de Amparo Auxilidora. They should be coming back any minute now and will pass our front door. Tonight he will set off again tied to a column. I can hear the sound of drums. La Pollinica approaches.
Here he comes. The palm tree moves with him.

                         La Pollinica (Nuestro Padre Jesús a su entrada a Jerusalen)

Here's Juani. He seems to be in all the processions.
He supports Real Madrid and reminded me that they lost to Atlético last week  during his break from being a portalero. His mum must spend a fortune on costumes and uniforms.

During the week both Jesus and Mary will appear on tronos (thrones) in an apparently limitless variety of guises all over Spain. In Álora we have  The Virgin of Pain (crowned), the Virgin of the Auxiliary Refuge, the Virgin of Souls, the Virgin of Love and the Virgin of PIty.
In Málaga they have Jesús El Rico (Jesus the Rich) who deserves a special mention. Every Wednesday of Semana Santa he is allowed to pick a prisoner to free from jail as long he (or she) joins the El Rico procession. The Hermano Mayor (Senior Brother) of the 'El Rico' hermandad  (brotherhood) makes the choice along with the governor of the prison. The lucky pardon this year went to 'SC' who lives near the prison in Alhaurin el Torre (when he's not in prison that is).

Here is Jesús el Rico (on the throne) with his hermandad. I  think 'SC' is the chap on the left in the hood.

I went up to Bar El Toro to watch Barcelona get eliminated from the European Champions' League the other night. A few ex pats were there including Walter who waits for gaps in the match to bang on about what's wrong with England these days, which is a popular subject of conversation among many of the Brits. 'Can you tell me why Germany can expel 500 foreigners a day and we can't expel any?' It  was not a rhetorical question. 'Are you asking me as an expert on immigration and border controls?' I asked, while trying to prepare an answer. By 'we' he meant all the people who still live in the UK, which he doesn't, but I let that one go. 'There won't be any white men left in England soon'. 'Well you started it', I quipped  'by coming here'.  It went wide of the mark.. He continued. 'Look at Man. United. Nearly all black players. In forty years this'll be a muslim country'. For a moment he forgot he was a Spanish Resident and was back in the country he abandoned ten years ago because it had 'gone to the dogs'. I took a chance with, 'Well perhaps the Spanish should expel 500 foreigners a day, too. There's hardly any Spaniards left on the Costa del Sol and anyway you're living a country that was a muslim country for nearly 800 years.'

As the game restarted I wondered if in 671AD. King Roderick the Visigoth took a break from  making pretty earings to worry about Spain becoming a muslim country in 40 years time.

Jesus Tied to a Column has just passed our front window. Time for a G&T. I'll go out and pick a lemon.

April 18th 2014