The Accidental Mayor is Bringing up the Bodies.

                                                      Dawn in La Plaza Baja


Mrs. Sánchez and I have been back in Álora almost a week now and our street has already been scrubbed thirteen times by the  town's hi-tech cleaning vehicle. I don't think they've got more than one and Calle Benito Suarez is no dirtier than any other calle, and cleaner than a fair few. I don't miss the dog turds at all. Any road up, as they say in Birmingham, I collared our regular daily street sweeper to find out why we were getting such a good service. It's all to do with the roadworks up in town. 
Calle Carmona is closed most of the the time, and Calle Vera Cruz is closed all the time. These are two of our main thoroughfares so getting round, or indeed, in and out of town is a nightmare. Luckily one of Spain's leading surrealist comedians lives here and was willing  to design a 'temporary' one way system. One of the results is that Paco with his Lean Machine has to go down our street many times a day (at 1 mph.) to get to calles that need  cleaning.

                                    The Clean Machine at the bottom of our street.

It's no match, though, for the annual coating of mucky wax that the various cofradias and hermandades apply to our road surfaces during Semana Santa. Molten wax from a million marching candle carriers has once again left a multi-coloured mottled mess which makes braking a risky and unpredictable manouevre and provides us all with a dramatic soundrack as cars with waxed- up tyres screech round corners like something out of 'Scarface' or 'The Untouchables'. An uninformed visitor could be excused for thinking the town is inhabited by untidy chewing gum fiends. 
                                                  The evidence

                                                                         Our street

It's no use complaining to the alcalde (mayor) either. (Jose Sánchez Moreno. No relation) He's nowhere to be seen.  The town is now in the hands of the beautiful and talented Sonia Ramos whose title is Alcalde Accidental.

Here he is at one of his rare public appearances last week. He is on the left and Ms. Ramos is on the right. I wish Sonia all the best and hope that 'Epi', as he's known to his friends and grateful townsfolk, will be back behind the wheel soon.

Before continuing, I would like to say a big hello to the reader of this venereal organ who lives in The Turks and Caicos Islands, which my  well-informed readers will know is an island in the Caribbean famous for its beautiful beaches, shell companies  and tax dodgers. The only 'belonger' (that's what they call proper residents there ) of these islands known to me is Lord Michael Ashcroft of Oldham, Baron of Brexit, billionaire tax exile and big bunger to the British Conservative Party. If it's you, Mike, Hi and it's good to have you on board.

 

                           The Turks and Caicos Islands, home to one of our readers.

                                                 'Guernica' by Pablo Picasso

Yesterday, April 26th. was the 80th. anniversary of the bombing of the Basque town Guernica, during the Spanish 'Civil War', by the German Luftwaffe and the Italian Aviazione on the orders of Generalisimo Francisco Franco.
Waves of bombers attacked the town for over  two hours and fighter planes strafed the roads out of Guernica killing people as they  tried to flee.
The German 'Condor Legion' was led by Wolfram Von Richtofen, a cousin of the famous WW1 'ace' 'The Red Baron'. What an honour for Guericans!

                                                     Guernica April 27th. 1937

The bombing raid took place on Market Day when the town was full of local residents and people  from surrounding villages. It was an explicit act of 'terror' and was one of the first instances of the deliberate bombing of a civilian population. Around 300 people were killed.
Initially Franco denied it had happened as did the Germans. They were widely believed at the time but a British journalist, George Speer, happened to be in the area and reported on the bombings for The Times and The New York Times.(see Telegram from Guernica. Author ;Nicholas Rankin,  Faber and Faber, 2003).

Most people who have heard of Guernica know of it through the fame of Picasso's massive painting which is in the Museo Reina Sofia in Madrid. 
Not many people are around who were alive and can remember the events of 1937 in Spain. Most Spanish people agreed to the unwritten  Pacto de Olvido' (The forgetting Agreement') and chose not to talk about the horror of La Guerra Civil and the years of repression that followed Franco's victory in 1939..

Now it's all come alive again in Álora.
Every year a group of people gather at the castillo (castle) on the hill to remember the murders of local republicans, socialists and others, all labelled 'rojos' (reds), that were killed by Franco's death squads after Málaga and the surrounding villages were overrun by rebel 'nationalist' and Italian forces. Most of the killings were carried out up at the castillo, which was the town's cemetery until recently, mostly by  local members of the fascist  'falange'.

 

                                     Inside the castillo. The site of one mass grave.

This week work has begun inside the castle walls to exhume the bodies of an estimated 196 people from Álora and surrounding villages who were shot by falangist death squads and buried in mass graves in 1937. Relatives of the victims now have the right to find and identify the remains of their fathers, grandfathers, brothers and husbands  by DNA , give them a proper burial and have a memorial erected. Similar exhumations will be taking place in the neighbouring towns of Cártama, Alfarnate and Villanueva de la Concepción.

Also, our 'Accidental Mayor', Sonia Ramos, is trying to have  the road from Málaga to Almería designated as a 'Sendero de la Memoria' (Memorial Path) in memory of the flight of thousands of people from Málaga to Almería in February 1937 after the fascist forces of Franco and Mussolini captured the city and immediately executed over 4,000  'republicans'. It is still the biggest exodus of a civilian population in the history of Europe. 
The ,mostly, civilians  were harried  as they fled along the coastal road by fighter and bomber aircraft and shelled from the sea by gunboats (including the German heavy cruiser the 'Admiral Graf Spee)' as they tried to escape to goverment held Almería, 200 km. away. 150,000 left Málaga. Only 40,000 made it to Almería.

                                          The flight from Málaga, February 1937

Now for the bad news. Recently I reported the opening of two new bars, El Lugar in the 'Barriada del Puente and El Lagá, which opened almost next door to the popular cafetería Los Arcos. They lasted less than a year. El Lugar has had to close because the owner has health problems. El Lagá, which must have had tens of thousands of euros spent on it, has closed owing to a lack of customers.

The good news is that Álora had a fantastic Semana Santa (Holy Week). The weather was warm and sunny so all the 'tronos' (thrones) were able to parade around town (and drop record amounts of melted candle wax on the streets). The bars did well too, especially El Mocho in La Plaza Baja (The Bottom Square) run by the enigmatic and brutally handsome Manolo. He deserves it. El Mocho is our only bar down here now and depends on good weather on Viernes Santo (Good Friday) and The 'Día de Las Sopas Perotas in October to make enough money for him to make a living. I can highly recommend Manolo's tapas and you can always get a good view of 'the real Spain' down here in La Plaza Baja.
That reminds me...there's a very strong smell of reefer around here at the moment. The last time it niffed so strongly was just before the marijuana factory was discovered a few houses down from La Casa Sánchez.
I'm just saying.

Juanito Sánchez
April 28th. 2017

Man-eating fish in Malaga and dog-eating snake in Loja. Call the Irish Brigade!

Man-eating fish in Málaga and dog-eating snake in Loja.

Call the Irish Brigade!

Just about two weeks to go now  before Los Sánchez board the Good Ship Pont Aven in Portsmouth and, fair winds permitting, sail south to Santander. 

                                                   The Good Ship Pont Aven

Mrs. Sánchez and I have splashed out on a luxury en suite cabin this time with hot and cold running water, 4 bunk beds, a plug point for our camping kettle and a big window with one-way glass. Tommy and his new best pal, Monty, are booked into a couple of stainless steel boxes on Deck 10, by the funnel, called 'kennels'. It's a bit noisy up there, what with all the engine noise and all  the dogs barking, but Tommy sees it as an adventure and is a bit deaf now anyway. Little Monty, who I mentioned in my last dispatch, has it all to look forward to.

                                                Monty (aka Pretty Boy George)

But not as much as he's looking forward to 2 days in the back of the car. He's four months old now and has his own passport which may well be taken off him in a couple of years when we go to war with Spain over Gibraltar, a big rock whose two main industries are offshore banking and online gambling and  which the Spanish call 'El Peñon' (The Big Rock) or Nuestro (Ours). 

Two weeks ago a woman from Loja,near Granada (and only 109 km from Álora) admitted feeding puppies to her pet python. (Google 'Spanish woman feeds puppies to python' if you don't believe me. Be prepared for an unpleasant photo)) Even in Spain this is not acceptable and she is being investigated by the Guardia Civil. You'll never guess what the python was called!

I went past Loja a couple of weeks ago on the way to Granada during a week of  'fact finding' and 'work'.

 Mrs. Sánchez, who offered to look after Monty, insisted that my good friend Colin and I spend a few days in the sun to 'sort out' the olive prunings, which involved having three big hogueras (bonfires) and to tidy up the garden. The garden needed very little work as our kind neighbours Julie, Alan and Isabel have been keeping it tidy and watering the plants so we did a bit of fact finding instead, to pass the time. This is what we found out.

Fact 1. Granada has a great restaurant/bar called La Sitarilla which does a three course Menú del Día for 10€. and offers Manitas de Cerdo (pigs trotters) as a main course.

Mmm. Sticky and scrumptious.

Fact 2. There is a great bar inside the main Malaga Ataranzas Market , El Yerno (The son-in-law), which is open all afternoon and serves fresh fish and seafood tapas.

   El Yerno (A man eating fish is just out of the picture on the left).

Fact 3. There are two new bars in Álora; Casa Romero in la Plaza de la Fuente de Arriba (The top square) and La Taverna del Círculo in Calle Cervantes.
La Casa Romero is where Bar Las Dos Fuentes used to be and has tables on the square (which is really a triangle). It's bright and modern with an interesting old 'bodega' (wine cellar) downstairs. The friendly and portly waiter, Isodoro, serves very generous copas de vino and it opens in the evenings. Try their Huevos Rotos. (Eggs, chips, cheese and Serrano ham).
La Taverna El Círculo gets very full of an afternoon with ladies of a certain age. You can buy Fuller's 'London Pride' here. 

NB.  No shortage of bars on Calle Cervantes. Las Kñas (which no Brit can pronounce) still does well but the two grumpy ladies that run it have rested on their laurels for too long and the food isn't as good as it used to be. (in my opinion). Try El Pintor too.

Fact.4,  Fashions have not changed much since last November. You can still see handsomely rotund Brits sporting string vests, boxer shorts and flip flops with designer stubble (on face and chest and legs)  as they sit in the sun exchanging stories about how this or that bar cheats the Brits, how there are too many immigrants in the UK and where you can get a good Sunday Roast.

Alternative Fact 1.  You can buy pies in the Farmácia.

 I must say that I was pleasantly surprised to see this in a shop window in Calle Vera Cruz....until I realised it was the Farmácia (chemist): a 'false friend' if ever I saw one. Pies means 'feet', as in 'Se echó a sus pies' which does not (unfortunately) refer to a pie throwing contest but 'He threw himself at her feet'.

A bit of History (optional)

 Most people living in Spain will have heard of La Guerra Civil. (The Spanish Civil War) (1936-39) which ended in victory for the fascist Italian, German and rebel 'Nationalist' Spanish forces under Generalisimo Francisco Franco Bahamonde (Franco) and led to Spain being a 'fascist'  dictatorship under Franco for 36 years. Many will have heard of the International Brigade, the non-Spaniards who came to Spain to fight on the republican side, but I bet that neither of my loyal readers will have heard of the 'Irish Brigade' that came from The Irish Free State to fight on the 'fascist' side. I only found out about it today when I was reading a piece in El País in English about a bar owner, Henk de Groot,  in Amsterdam whose bar is 'a shrine to Franco'.

                                           Henk de Groot in his bedroom....tasty.

Apparently his grandad was Irish and went to Spain with The Irish Brigade.

Badge of the Irish Brigade

Standard of The Irish Brigade

They were led by Eion (John) O'Duffy the leader of a small group of Irish fascists called 'The Blue Shirts' who wore blue shirts but changed their shirts and name to 'The Green Shirts'. Franco didn't want them to come to Spain and refused to pay for transport for the 700 volunteers. 200 made their own way to Spain and the others came on a German boat hired by O'Duffy. They managed to get hold of some German uniforms and dyed them green by boiling them in spinach.

The only two bits of  fighting they did were in a battle between themselves and some fascists from The Canary Isles. 17 men were killed in the  'friendly fire'. In the other piece of action, at Titulcia, two more were killed  and so they decided to call it a day. They were also having problems with 'the oily food and cheap wine' and had taken to calling their leader, O'Duffy, 'Johnny Bollocks'

In April 1937 the adjutant, Captain Gunning, ran off with their wages and passports and they went home via Portugal. In 1940, the Irish government burned all files relating to the 'Irish Brigade'. 

 

Memorial to The Irish Brigade, Limerick

Back to 2017.

 Visitors to Álora will notice that it's a bit tricky getting round town at the moment. The road is up again. Perhaps 'block paving' was a bad idea for a busy main road with lots of bends and heavy vehicles. I doubt if they will doing that again in a hurry. Meanwhile traffic is being directed up the rather steep Calle La Rampa and after that, I've no idea. I'm sure it will all be ready for Semana Santa which kicks off a week today with Domingo Ramos. 

By the time we arrive it should be all over bar the shouting .

Hasta luego.

Juanito Sánchez April 2nd. 2017.

 

 

Abroad Thoughts from Home. Man Not in Álora Plans a Come Back.

Would you hire a car from this man?

A big Holá to all my readers.

The last time I put pen to paper Donald Trump was just a bad mannered self-obsessed billionaire sex pest with a comedy name. Who'd have thought?.No change in the above but now he's The President of the United States of America too.
He's got it in for the Mexicans and  anyone with a Spanish sounding name so that's our trip to Disney World Florida cancelled for a start. Mrs. Sánchez is a bit miffed but I've managed to get us a couple of weeks in Turkey for next to nothing. Result!

It looks like Great Britain is still European for the time being so I'm heading back to good old Álora for few days next week to spend some euros before they are worth more than Pounds Shillings and Pence. 
Mrs.S and I can't come for our Spring sojourn until mid  April this year because we've got to wait for our new furry friend, Monty to get his passport, rabies jab and learn a few Spanish barks. 

                                                                    Monty

Tommy is in charge of his indogtrination. Luckily he's a fast learner. He's already mastered the Andaluz raspy bark and the 'single shoulder shrug' which should help him to get down with the Plaza Barkja homies.

                                                             Plaza Barkja homie.

 I've spent most of today trying to find a car to hire for a few days. I used to think that booking a flight with Ryanair was a minefield but after my last experience with Nazi Cars Michael O'Leary is a pussycat.
There's one site offering a week's rental of a 5 door Citroen for 0.75€. (65p. a week). There may be a catch but I'm going to give it a try. What can go wrong? We're all still part of the European Union so it must be kosher. The company is called 'Do You Spain' so a bit of 'Caveat Emptor' might be in order.
 .
Easter is late this year.
 As usual, Easter Sunday will be held on the first Sunday after the first full moon after the Northern Vernal (Spring) equinox which is the 14th. day of the lunar month which nominally falls on or around March 21st. Simple. (Unless you live in orthodox Greece where it is a week later sometimes but not this year.) They use a different calendar there, the Julian Calendar, invented by Julius Caesar, which is very very  old). 

Most sensible people moved on to the Gregorian Calendar a long long time ago but the Greeks and Russians never liked the new one. Mrs. Sánchez and I use the 'Our Favourite Dogs Calendar' which always gets the date of Easter right and has a different dog for every month.

Even though they made it later this year we shall miss the Spanish Easter which is called Semana Santa. We have only missed two in 17 years. I expect we will be missed. We have never been invited to join in any of the processions but they nearly all go past our door at all hours of the night and madrugada (early morning). We always give them a jolly wave as they struggle by under the weight of a crucified Jesus or a weeping Virgin Mary. 

 It must be thirsty work for all those young lads who have to carry the tronos (thrones) up  and down all the steep streets of Álora so it's lucky that all the bars will open all day and some new ones will 'pop up' to take advantage of all the dry gaznates (throats) and  full pockets.
I wish all the bar owners the best of luck with the weather, especially Casa Romero which has opened in La Plaza de la Fuente Arriba (top square). I am reliably informed that the churros there are de puta madre ( very good).

JuanitoSánchez
March14th. 2017 





 

Man not in Álora Sparks International Security Alert

Man Not in Álora Sparks International Security Alert.

It's January 1st. today, so all the festive fun is over and it's a long haul until the first Spring day which is about three months away. And it's chucking it down outside.Our only consolation is that it's a bit chilly in Álora too, not raining, which would be a good thing there, but a  bit cloudy. 20 degrees there on Wednesday though.

I must just explain that 'it's chucking it down' means 'it's raining' in case any of my readers from non English speaking countries are trying to use 'Google Translate' to read this humble but still popular organ. 'Tirando hacia abajo' (Spanish) just means 'throwing downwards'. In Russian it's 'Зажатия его вниз' and it's anybody's guess what that translates as.
The thing is, I like to check up now and again if anyone is looking at this stuff and I'm able see the number of 'page views' and where they come from by clicking on 'audience'. The number is usually about 700 a month (you´ll have to take my word for it) and,apart from a few loyal readers in the Turks and Caicos Islands and Ireland (Thanks, Graham and Mary and Happy New Year) my 'audience' lives mainly in the UK, Spain, and the United States of Trumpery - except for last month when there were 2423 pageviews, mostly from Russia. What's going on? (Что происходит один?)

It's making me a bit nervous, I have to say. I do hope I haven't unsuspectingly helped Donald Trump to become The President of the United States, or worse (if that's possible).
Is there an algorithm on a computer somewhere in Moscow or Washington that I've triggered with a casual and innocently uttered 'key word'?
I do tend to go on about 'pies' a lot (spies?). Now I'm only digging myself in deeper if they're watching me. Mrs. Sánchez and I gave up answering the door months ago, after the Brexit referendum. We don't answer the phone unless we're expecting a call and I've trained Tommy to bite anyone with snow on his boots.

 Of course, Christmas is far from over in Álora. Judging from the Ayuntamiento

(town hall) website they've just about squeezed all they can from the Belenes (see last post) and it's all eyes down now for the big procession on the night of 5th. January (Reyes Magos) when local councillors dressed up as exotic wise men take to the streets on lorries dressed up as floats to hurl hard, harmful handfuls of Haribo boiled sweets at the heads of any unwise man, woman or child foolhardy enough to open his/her front door and risk having one or more of his/her eyes put out or spectacles shattered by an elected representative.

                                            Reyes Magos procession in Álora

 Survivors will get their Christmas presents the following morning.

In England and even, `perhaps, in Wales and Scotland, January 5th. is Twelfth NIght which is the twelfth night after Christmas and, coincidentally, the title of a play by The Bard of Avon who used to live just down the A34 from us in Stratford-upon- Avon and called himself William Shakespeare.

                            William Shakespeare (with apologies to Alfred E. Neuman)

I can really recommend the play if you get a chance to see it. It would make A GREAT PANTO. It's packed with mistaken identities, sex and cross dressing.  (Oh yes it is!). One of the characters even has to dress up in yellow stockings and crossed garters and act haughtily. (Oh yes he does!). There's something in it for all the family, especially my cousin Brian who like to wear dresses, calls himself Theresa and gets seasonal work as a 'pantomime dame'

My cousin Brian as Widow Twanky with Little Jimmy Krankie as A Ladd in (drag).

So far I estimate that I have already triggered numerous algorithms in various countries and expect a knock at the door any minute.

Twelfth Night is also the day we have to take down all our Christmas decorations or we'll have bad luck. (It didn't do much good last year did it? We did as we were told and look what happened!)
It's also the day that my true love brought to me 12 Drummers Drumming. They arrived a few days early this year and are currently beating out a tattoo inside my head after 'seeing the new year in'.
I always thought that The Twelve Days of Christmas was a jolly song, full of nonsense, but I've just found out that it has hidden religious meanings so it's not so jolly after all. That's spoilt it for me. 
I was hoping for Seven Swans a-Swimming tonight but all I can expect is 'the seven sacraments'. Looking on the bright side, it's the twelve apostles on Thursday. They're always good company and they're bound to be starving  after the long journey so we should be able to shift all the left over spiced beef, mince pies, boiled ham, coleslaw, potato salad, cheese and pork pie that didn't get eaten on Boxing Day (well, perhaps not the ham and the pork pie.).

Speaking of cheese, we brought back some cheeses from Spain for Christmas. The Álora Manchego was fine but the other two didn't travel too well. The one from the Picos de Europa developed a little mould which was spotted by our very observant daughter. I had to chuck it away in the end, but, in my opinion, it only needed a little 'trimming'.

 Before 'trimming'

 

    

                                        After 'trimming'




Seemed a waste to me. The other blue cheese, Cabrales, survived the journey quite well too, but can best be described as 'challenging'.

                                                The ´challenging' Cabrales

I like a strong cheese but this chap would blow your socks off. It's got me beaten. You can probably smell it from there. 
I'm willing to bet it will  even make the 12 apostles swear on Thursday.. I'm going to stick to pies from now on. Oops! there I go again. 

Sorry, I've got to go now, there's someone at the door.......

Feliz Año Nuevo

Juanito Sánchez January 1st. 2017



 

'It's coming on Christmas.They're cutting down trees.' Not in Álora, though'.

'It's coming on Christmas. They're cutting down trees'

There was a bit of a traffic jam up in town yesterday. This is not a rare event and the jam,as usual, was between the semáforos (traffic lights). Anyone familiar with this fine town of Álora (la bien cercada) will know where I mean as we only have one set of traffic lights. This particular jam was not caused by a driver abandoning his (or her) car (hazards on) between the lights to buy some cigarettes, have a quick mitad doble in Candelaria's or get a haircut at La Barbería Hermanos Cid. No. They were putting up our Christmas decorations. It won't be long before Santas are abseiling from balconies and snowmen grin at you from shop windows even though 90% of Perotes (Alorenians) have never seen snow.

Mrs. Sánchez and I usually only manage a quick festive tour of our gaily lit streets before it's time for us to head back to good old Brexit Blighty and our winter residence but we can always find time to take in Málaga's luxuriant luminescence.
Málaga Capital will be switching their lights on this Thursday, so on Friday we'll be off down there on the train to see them and maybe fit in a few tapas and copas.

2015 in Málaga

Álora 2015

 2014 in Málaga.




I know which I prefer. Málaga always goes a bit over the top.

Even though I'm getting very excited about all the Christmas stuff, what with all the festive adverts on English TV., Black Friday, eating turkey meat and paying a king's ransom for 50 second class stamps, let's remember....

....The Real Meaning of Christmas.

As religious festivals go Navidad (Christmas) comes in a poor second here in Álora. Semana Santa wins hands down. Baby Jesus, Mary and Joseph and the Angels can't compete with the pain and suffering of  Crucifixion Week. Consequently Christmas is, on the whole, a very quiet time. Some of the Easter cofradias and hermandades have even been putting on some Easter-style processions just to remind everyone who's boss.

            Jesús de las Torres and María Santísima de las Ánimas out for an airing.

The traditional festive frenzy of spending on presents and food is not very different from in  the UK but in Spain they have managed to separate most of the nasty commercialism (NOT the Real Meaning of Christmas) from The Real Meaning of Christmas. They have their Christmas at the usual time but give the presents on January 6th. (Reyes Magos or Epiphany) when The Three Kings take the lead roles.This is a much more sensible arrangement. You still get Noche Vieja (New Year's Eve), which is little bit livelier (if you're fond of grapes) and you can buy all your presents in the Rebajas de Enero (January Sales)

Apart from the Christmas Lights, Reyes Magos and Turrón

                                                              Turrón

                                                 Belén Viviente in Álora. 2015.

 the big attraction of the festive season here is all the 'Belenes' which pop up all over the place. These are 'nativity scenes' (Belén means Bethlehem and is a popular Christian name for girls as in  Ana Belén Roy who used to do the weather on TVE.) and once again Málaga has had to go over the top. The Ayuntamiento (Town Hall), in addition to mounting the biggest Belén in Christendom has published a guide to all the best Belenes in and around the city (67 differents chances to see all your favourite Christmas characters.)

                                                   Álora's Belén last year.

 Málaga's official Belén will open to the public on December 5th.in the Town Hall. It will have scenes representing all aspects of the Christmas Story including the angel's visit to Mary, Mary explaning to Joseph how she got pregnant and the Slaughter of the Innocents. The main feature, the stable scene in called 'El Misterioso'.

Rute, a small town near Córdoba has a chocolate one. Mmmm.

                                                    Rute's chocolate Belén.  
                      
 Did you know there was a boating lake in Bethlehem? 
 
Lots of families have Belenes in their houses. A lady round the corner from us, Pepita, has a big one in her living room and adds something to it every year. Mrs. Sánchez usually buys a figure or a building for it. You can buy Belén items at the same shops that sell the usual statues of virgins, crucified Jesuses, hooded 'nazarenos' and rosaries. Most towns have one.

These days many of the big Belenes have novelty items such as streams with running water, spinning wheels that spin, waterwheels that rotate, camels that walk, sheep that go `Baaaa', cattle that low, electric trains and a baby Jesus that sits up and says.'Who's the daddy?'

My favourite character is the 'caganer' ('crapper') . He is nearly always a man and can usually be found squatting behind a shed or a tree having an enormous 'dump'.

                                                                      A 'caganer'

These charming chaps started squatting in the  Belenes of Cataluña and Valencia in the late 17th. century (according to 'Friends of The Caganer') and are now a compulsory feature there. In 2005 Barcelona City Council commissioned a Belén without a caganer and there was a public outcry. The City Council capitulated and one was added quicker than  you could say 'Drop 'em!'

Originally caganers were dressed as Catalan peasants with a red cap but these days they are made in all shapes and forms.

Recognise this topical turdster?
That brings us to this week's caption competition. Answers in a plain, sealed envelope with the usual 10€ entry fee.

I can't resist a slight  scatalogical sidetrack  into Spanish 'shit' related slang, so anyone with a nervous disposition or a delicate stomach is advised to turn to page 45.

The Spanish love the verb 'cagar' (to shit) and cagarse (to shit oneself) and it's Chile's second most popular slang word.

'¡Ahora sí que la hemos cagado!'               Now we've really messed things up!
'¡Si Trump es presidente, cagamos!'          If Trump is President, we've had it!
'¡Cagó la lavadora!'                                    The washing machine is knackered!
'¡Cagó la revolución!'                                  The revolution was a flop!

Get the picture?

My favourites are the ones using cagarse :

'Hace un frío que te cagas´                       It's very cold.

Me cagué de la risa                                   That was really funny.

Se están cagando de miedo                      They are really worried.

There appear to be any number of ways to say  'Damn!'. Here are a few;


¡Me cago en la mar!                                      I shit in the sea.
¡Me cago en diez!                                         I shit in ten.
!Me cago en las autoridades!                        I shit on the authorities. 
¡Me cago en la leche!                                    I shit in the milk.
¡Me cago en la leche de tu madre!                I shit in your mother's milk
¡Me cago en la leche de tu madre, tu abuela y la vecina!     I shit in the milk of your mother,your grandmother and the lady next door.

I have never heard anyone say any of those in 15 years. People in Álora are much too polite, even though they all go around calling each other 'Coño'! and you can hear this one any day in any of the cafeterías and bars in  Álora;
'¡Ésta cagaillo mosca!'     This is fly shit. (this coffee tastes really nice.)

Anyway, getting back to The Real Meaning of Christmas, many towns and villages are trying to engage  with The Nativity in a more meaningful and personal way. The 'Belén Viviente' (Living Nativity) is becoming very popular. 

                                               Álora's 3rd. Belén Viviente

Álora is putting on its 4th, annual one this year. People dress up as 'nativity' characters and reconstruct Bethehem as it was when Mary and Joseph arrived. It's a bit like a school nativity play on the streets. In this short video of  Álora's first one you can see our esteemed and much loved Alcalde (mayor) Jose Sánchez Moreno (no relation) looking just a little embarrassed in his stunning Palestinian get up. Alora' fiirst Belen Viviente

The songs the children are singing are traditional Christmas songs called  'villancicos' .

Olive Oil News......... 

Olive crops round here have been disappointing this year. Everyone is blaming the lack of rain over the last two years. At last it's raining this week.

 Olivar Caicunes had a good crop of small hard olives which our team of enthusiastic volunteer olive pickers picked enthusiastically and we have 140 litres of picante (peppery) oil. A sure sign of good quality,
Well done everyone.

                                      Helga, one of our enthusiastic volunteers.

Feliz Navidad!

Juanito Sánchez. 23rd. November 2016 .