Sex, ironmongery and taxes. Everyday life in Álora.

 

"Oh to be in England now that April's there".  or  "April is the cruellest month.........." It was.

Here we are,  reflected in the back end of a shiny tanker with La Mancha in our rear view mirror and the Sierra Morena up ahead. Oh to be in España now that May is here! Open roads, blue skies and more elections to look forward to.
Álora is now well into the grip of election fever. You can't have a decent chat in the street for all the noisy propaganda vans going round and round the Álora Internal Ring Road, (There's one going past right now!). Banners and posters are everywhere and all the parties are having parties in an attempt to buy votes with free paellas, bouncy castles and caramelos (sweeties)for the little 'uns.

It beats me why the PP candidate for mayor would want to describe himself as  'Adoquín, flojo y peligroso´('thick, loose and dangerous') !


These are only local elections so Mrs. Sanchez and I can vote on Sunday at the heavily guarded and supervised Vecinos' (neighbours') Club at the bottom of Calle Ancha which also, possibly ironically, doubles as the food bank. Gone are the days of caciquismo and cohecho (bribery). Elections in Spain are now fair and square even though most of the national political leaders are, as usual, up to their necks in financial scandals.
There is no sign at all of the new left wing  Podemos party here even though they score 20% in national polls. Philipe of the IU (Izquierda Unida) (United Left) party told me, in confidence, that 'They are supporting us.' I can't wait for Sunday.

I bumped into Phlipe on my way to the bank to pay the 'Impuesto sobre la Renta de no Residentes' (The tax on foreign property owners). This annual rip off only applies to foreigners who have 'holiday homes' here and try to let them out illegally. There is no way of checking who is committing this crime so everybody has to pay a 'tax on presumed rent received'. There are only two things anyone needs to know about this tax:

1. Nobody appears to be paying it.
2. Nobody cares.

If you do want to pay it I am happy to show you how to fill in Formulario  210. If you ask an accountant or gestor or asesor to pay it for you they will charge you un dineral. (a packet).  I will do it for a couple of cañas and a media ración of callos.

                                                   Form 210, as if anyone cares.

They don't make it easy to pay this tax either. We used to have to go to Málaga to pay it. Then we had to go to the local tax office for a ´Form 100'. Then they changed the form to ´´Form 210 ,´´  then to ´´Form 214´´ and they never had any when you went for one. Now it's all done 'online' and they still keep changing the form. Even when you manage to fill in the online form correctly and print it off,  the staff at the bank don't know what to do with it and embarrass you in front of the people waiting in the long queue behind you.
You may be wondering why I bother.

I passed the El Pintor ferretería  (ironmonger) on my way back to Cafe-Bar Madrugón and my daily mitad doble con un vaso de agua del grifo. (glass of coffee with milk and a glass of tap water). El Pintor is probably my favourite shop in Álora. I will go there on the slightest pretext. You can get almost anything there (except a new watch strap) and the staff are always very friendly. I never pass by without looking in and since we arrived back there has been something important  missing.

                                                            Ferretería 'El Pintor'


Where is Minti? I haven't seen her in the shop once in two weeks. I hope she's all right.
There are three ferreterías in town and they are all chock full of stuff from goat bells to glue. You can buy single screws and nails there instead of  having to pay for a plastic strongbox of 100 as in England and buying them in small quantities means you have an excuse to go back for more and a chance to talk to Minti. Those hats on the right are on offer at 2€. What a bargain!

Caminito del Rey update   (a popular item)

The Caminito del Rey is proving very popular. It is still free but is booked up for months ahead. I had some tickets but  lost them .Mrs. Sanchez  is determined to go and may have got us a couple of spare tickets. Great! 

We went on the train to Ronda last week. There's one a day from Álora and you pass right by the Caminito after crossing the bridge that gets bombed  at the end of the film 'Von Ryan's Express'. The people on the path seemed glad to see our train or they may have been calling for help. If you look closely you can see the elaborate safety measures and the sturdy well made wooden steps.

                                         El Caminito del Rey from the Ronda train

Ronda is a big tourist destination. It has the biggest coach park in Western Europe* and is packed with day trippers of all nationalities who rush around in groups of thirty or more taking pictures and buying fridge magnets. 
I've been reading two books about Ronda by Alistair Boyd who lived there with two different wives. (at different times) (one of them was previously Mrs. (Kingsley) Amis. ) He lived in Casa Mondragon in the Old Town which is now called Palacio Mondragon and houses the museum. Mr. Boyd describes how the Ayuntamiento (town hall) of Ronda went about changing it from a beautiful Andalusian market town to a theme park full of souvenir shops and tat. One of the first improvements  was to close down the old traditional market building and convert it in into a posh Parador hotel. We had a coffee there.

                                       The Parador (old market place) Ronda


Last weekend was Ronda's 'Ronda Romantica'.- another big money spinner.

The Parador was fully booked with romantic weekend breaks and a condom machine has been installed outside, between the Parador main entrance and MacDonald's. I'm lovin' it! was the theme of the weekend.

                         Mrs. Sanchez pretending not to notice the condom dispensers.

On a related subject, , Dr.G. tells me that from his balcony and with the aid of powerful binoculars he has spotted a bit of 'romantica' going on up on the Álora castle walls and in plain daylight too. Apparently they  were just one of many adventurous couples hoping  to join the exclusive  'Castillo Club de Álora´ which involves having sex in plain view up on the castle walls. This new 'extreme sport' is fraught with danger, not least from the large community of Falcon naumanni (lesser kestrels) which live up there and whch are always on the look out for a tasty morsel or  two and the risk of painful sunburn.
Membership applications can obtained from ; J. Sanchez, Calle Benito Suarez 21. (photograhic evidence needed).

                                                  What's going on here?

It's the new floral installation at the top of Calle Algarrobo where the 1Casa Inmobilaria office used to be. Like many impressive council projects it should be finished before the elections on Sunday.

It's a living wall of flowers and I love it. A lady in the cake shop opposite was a little negative about it. ´Just wait till they pinch all the flowers.´she said. What an aguafiestas (wet blanket)!

When I arrived home, José Sanchez Moreno ('Epi' to his pals and no relation),  mayor of Álora, was waiting for me with some election publicity. He was pleased that I like the wall which has no name as yet. I suggested 'Los jardines colgantes de los Perotes' (The Hanging Gardens of Álora). 'What a good idea!' he exclaimed and so that is what it's going to be  called.




Does anyone know where I can buy one of these T shirts.

Juanito Sánchez.

May 19th. 2015

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