Monkey Lisa
In three weeks Mrs. Sanchez and I should be bobbing along in the Bay of Biscay, destination Santander and Álora amid stories of drought, mass graves and new management in 'The Bar That Never Makes Any Money'. I can't wait to get back.
Last Saturday Tommy (the dog) took ill just in time for all the normal vets in Birmngham to close for the weekend. He's a bit of a wus at the best of times when it comes to minor ailments (I don't know where he gets it from) so it was only when, after several vomits and he was shivering like an eskimo naturist, that I convinced Mrs.S. we should seek medical advice. An hour later I was £138.00 lighter and Tommy was well on the way to recovery. A follow up visit to another licensed bandit on Sunday morning (£85.00) to check his temperature made it an expensive weekend. I am not looking for sympathy or anything but it was interesting that the first vet he saw was from Barcelona. Vets' fees in Spain are a fraction of those here in Great Britain so it makes sense for Spanish veterinarios to head up to Birmingham to seek their fortune.
Spanish vets about to leave for Birmingham. No wonder they're beaming.
It's Monday now and Tommy seems fine, if a little constipated, but who wouldn't be after having thermometers and fingers rammed up one's bum .
I rang our neighbour in Álora this morning because I'd heard a rumour that the ayuntamiento (town hall) in Álora had announced that it's 'the worst drought in living memory' and so they will be turning all the water off for a week. This would mean certain death for most of the plants in our garden which is watered regularly while we are away by our kind neighbours, Harry and Wilma and a lady called Ana Vasquez. Wilma has heard nothing about the corte de agua and the garden looks as beautiful as usual. I can't resist showing you a photo.
That's Mrs. Sanchez taking a break from painting the walls.
That brings me to 'The Bar That Never Makes Money'.
According to my neighbour, the present 'owners' of a local bar have left and it is under new management. The last time I saw it the bar was called La Bodega but it has also been Pedro's, Bar, Bar Las Chicas and La Perosia and it never seems to make any money. When it was run by 'Pedro' it was a typical small Spanish bar used by the locals. I don't think Pedro made a living from it but it was a place for people to meet, have a tapa or two and a drink. Along with most of the bars in Álora it is rented from the owner of the property and the 'rentee' is responsible for the fittings, electricity, gas etc. When Pedro gave it up it was taken over by two English women (Las Chicas) who spent a good deal of their own money knocking the place about, extending it, putting in satellite TV and trying to attract the growing number of Brits in and around Álora by putting on Quiz Nites, Sunday Roasts, Curry Nights, Fish and Chip Nights, English Football and All Day Breakfasts, which, as everybody knows are what most people want when they move from England to live in Spain.
It did quite well for a few years until Las Chicas fell out and got out and it remained closed until along came a man with a fat wallet and no sense. Sunny (not his real name), spent £40,000 plus on doing the place up again, got an English couple to manage it and then cleared off back to England to wait for the money to come rolling in.
Even the same attractions as before failed to bring the crowds in and then the recession started to bite. The takings didn't cover the rent, electricity, gas and 'security' let alone the wages of the managers. Sunny became impatient and was convinced that the managers were ripping him off. Threats were made and alliances formed. Sunny took to coming to Alora, sitting outside 'Oscar's' (the bar on the opposite side of the square) with his henchmen to scowl threateningly across at his folly, La Perosia, making the occasional skirmish into his bar to threaten the managers and grab the framed 'licence' off the wall . (It was only a photocopy. Ha!). Fights broke out across La Plaza Baja and Ennio Morricone was brought in to write the theme music for what became known as 'Bar Wars'.
'Standoff in the Plaza Baja c. 2010'
When the dust settled, Sunny fell out with his best mate and retreated to England, never to return. La Perosia closed once more only to be snapped up by the boss of 'Oscar's' who had always had her eyes in it. She renamed it La Bodega, and ran it into the ground again. Apparently she has emigrated to Mozambique but not before selling the 'goodwill' etc. to some new innocents for a substantial sum. No news on the new name yet, but 'The Bar That Never Makes Any Money' has finally made someone a bit of dosh and is open for business.
I wish the new owners the best of luck.
I keep coming across the words mono (monkey) and mona (female monkey) in my Spanish reading and I can't get a real grasp of how and when to use them in everyday use. They seem to have a bewildering number of meanings, some of them completely contradictory.
Un mono can also mean a boiler suit, an ugly person, the joker in a pack of cards, a policeman a doodle and monos animados are cartoons.
Una mona (a female monkey or Barbary ape) can mean a hangover, a copycat, marijuana and a cake.Mona can also mean 'blonde'.
But what about these:
'Eres el último mono' 'You're a nobody'
'Tienes monos en la cara' ' (you've got monkeys in your face)' 'You look as if you've come from Mars'
'¡Vete para freir monas'! ('Go and fry monkeys!) ' Get lost!'
'Se estan haciendo monos' ( 'They're making monkeys of each other') They're making eyes at each other
But then:
'¡Qué sombrero mas mono! ' 'What a nice little hat!'
'Es muy mona de cara' ' She has a lovely face'
I'd steer of all monkey expressions if I were you.
I do like this proverb, though.
'If the monkey dresses in silk, it's still a monkey.'
Apologies to all chimpanzees for misrepresenting you.
August 20th. 2014
