Saturday 16 June 2012
A Street Party
Today there were two 'verbenas' to go to. One was in La Trocha, a barrio I do not know and the other was at the top of Calle La Parra. We went to the latter. It was put on by the hermandad of Nuestro Señor de las Torres. The bar was sent up in the disabled person's parking space. 1€ for a beer and as with most of this type of 'do' you have to buy a ticket first at one end of the bar and then order drinks and food at the other end, paying with the ticket. Paco Padilla and his family seemed to be running the show which will go on into the night. At 3.00pm. on the dot a large paella was brought out and distributed on plastic plates with a piece of 'pan cateto' (peasant bread). Paellas are called 'Arroz' (rice) here and can be simple affairs of rice, red peppers, tomatoes, onion and spices with a tasty stock. Usually there is some meat involved and if you're luck, some shellfish too. This one was a luxury version, chicken, squid and prawns and very tasty too. The temperature on the sign outside the farmácia read 32 degrees. Six mature ladies in flamenco dresses did a few sevillas. We left to pack and will return after eating tonight at Los Caballos Dos.
Thursday 14 June 2012
Insulting Behavior
I bought some Blank CDs today at one of the Moroccan bazaars in town. The lad shouted to his wife, 'Bring some of those HPs'. (Hewlett Packard). It reminded me that Juan Pérez once shouted 'HP!!!' at a kid on a very noisy moped. He pronounced it , 'Atchy Pay'. I was puzzled. 'HP...hijo de puta'. he explained (pronounced 'eeko day pootah') (son of a bitch or whore).
This is probably the most common insult here. Usually it is abbreviated to 'hijo puta'. 'Puta' and 'puto' can be used as adjectives too; 'A la puta calle!' (Get the fuck out!') , 'Termine una puta vez' (Stop it for heaven's sake'). On the other hand 'la puta madre' (the whore of a mother) can be used as a compliment, as in 'la comida es de puta madre' ( the meal was fantastic).
Insults are tricky things in Spain. Everyone calls their friends 'coño' here but I have never dared to. Gilipollas means 'wanker', capullo 'nobhead', and cabrón is ´bastard'
A powerful insult is 'Me cago en la leche' (I shit in the milk) or 'Me cago en los muertos', ( I shit on the dead). Also you can try 'Me cago en las diez' (I shit on the ten) which is beyond me. 'No me jodas' means 'don't fuck me', but is used as 'You don't say!'
To call someone `Shameless' would not appear to be too strong a criticism but I had an experience in a posh lighting shop in Málaga which surprised me. I had taken back 3 'long life' light bulbs which had lasted no more than 3 weeks.´'No guarantee on light bulbs'. said the shop assistant. After a few minutes trying to reason that ´long life' suggests longer than 3 weeks, the discussion became heated and I called him 'Un sin vergüenza' or 'A shameless person'. He got very angry, walked off and fetched the manager. A similar exchange took place, the shop refusing to accept that the bulbs were a defective product and so I was entitled a refund or replacement. I asked for the complaints book (an official document involving the police) which usually does the trick, but it didn't and only provoked a rapid invective from the manager.`'There's more than one sin vergüenza around here'. I ventured.
She exploded and walked off. We left the shop in case she had gone for someone empowered to commit violence or the cops. All for calling them ´shameless'.
I was telling this story to a friend in 'Los Caballos Dos' in Alora. Cristóbal, the boss listened in. Apparently to call someone 'shameless' is worse than calling them wanker, nobhead, bastard, coño, shit or son of a whore.
Fancy.
This is probably the most common insult here. Usually it is abbreviated to 'hijo puta'. 'Puta' and 'puto' can be used as adjectives too; 'A la puta calle!' (Get the fuck out!') , 'Termine una puta vez' (Stop it for heaven's sake'). On the other hand 'la puta madre' (the whore of a mother) can be used as a compliment, as in 'la comida es de puta madre' ( the meal was fantastic).
Insults are tricky things in Spain. Everyone calls their friends 'coño' here but I have never dared to. Gilipollas means 'wanker', capullo 'nobhead', and cabrón is ´bastard'
A powerful insult is 'Me cago en la leche' (I shit in the milk) or 'Me cago en los muertos', ( I shit on the dead). Also you can try 'Me cago en las diez' (I shit on the ten) which is beyond me. 'No me jodas' means 'don't fuck me', but is used as 'You don't say!'
To call someone `Shameless' would not appear to be too strong a criticism but I had an experience in a posh lighting shop in Málaga which surprised me. I had taken back 3 'long life' light bulbs which had lasted no more than 3 weeks.´'No guarantee on light bulbs'. said the shop assistant. After a few minutes trying to reason that ´long life' suggests longer than 3 weeks, the discussion became heated and I called him 'Un sin vergüenza' or 'A shameless person'. He got very angry, walked off and fetched the manager. A similar exchange took place, the shop refusing to accept that the bulbs were a defective product and so I was entitled a refund or replacement. I asked for the complaints book (an official document involving the police) which usually does the trick, but it didn't and only provoked a rapid invective from the manager.`'There's more than one sin vergüenza around here'. I ventured.
She exploded and walked off. We left the shop in case she had gone for someone empowered to commit violence or the cops. All for calling them ´shameless'.
I was telling this story to a friend in 'Los Caballos Dos' in Alora. Cristóbal, the boss listened in. Apparently to call someone 'shameless' is worse than calling them wanker, nobhead, bastard, coño, shit or son of a whore.
Fancy.
Sunday 10 June 2012
Corpus Cristi
Yesterday our neighbour who lives opposite came to ask us for a branch from the grape vine with a bunch of grapes.
I remembered that the town's Corpus Cristi procession was imminent and presumed rightly that the pea sized grapes and greenery were for one of the shrines that are set up along the route round Alora. Our street is not on the itinerary this year (what have we done?).
Before coming to Alora 'Corpus Christi' was a primary school in Oldham. I believe it still is. We knew that it was a Catholic school because they had more holidays than us.
In Spain it is one of the many religious festivals that we all enjoy because there is a procession. The weather is usually good but it's not a big day for the bars, unlike Semana Santa and the annual Romeria of the town's patron virgin, The Virgin of the Flowers.
Corpus Cristi is a big deal in Granada where they have a whole week of celebrations including a funfair. Sevilla goes to town as well; a big procession and churros (long thick deep fried doughnuts) for breakfast. In Barcelona they have the Dancing Egg. (not for breakfast).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfBH598sl0k
In Castrillo de Mucia (Burgos) they have the ´Baby Jumping Festival'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzJBpVVGcWw
Corpus Cristi is on Thursday, the sixtieth day after Easter. The Eucharist is paraded through the streets in a `sconce'. The body of Christ. They do it on Sunday here.
The thing about Corpus Cristi is that it was only invented in about 1246 and was intended by the pope to chivvy up the locals who were losing a bit of the enthusiasm of Easter. Later the festival was used to remind believers of the victory of Catholicism over heresy. Doubters were advised to stay indoors (particularly in Castrillo de Murcia it would appear).
I remembered that the town's Corpus Cristi procession was imminent and presumed rightly that the pea sized grapes and greenery were for one of the shrines that are set up along the route round Alora. Our street is not on the itinerary this year (what have we done?).
Before coming to Alora 'Corpus Christi' was a primary school in Oldham. I believe it still is. We knew that it was a Catholic school because they had more holidays than us.
In Spain it is one of the many religious festivals that we all enjoy because there is a procession. The weather is usually good but it's not a big day for the bars, unlike Semana Santa and the annual Romeria of the town's patron virgin, The Virgin of the Flowers.
Corpus Cristi is a big deal in Granada where they have a whole week of celebrations including a funfair. Sevilla goes to town as well; a big procession and churros (long thick deep fried doughnuts) for breakfast. In Barcelona they have the Dancing Egg. (not for breakfast).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfBH598sl0k
In Castrillo de Mucia (Burgos) they have the ´Baby Jumping Festival'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzJBpVVGcWw
Corpus Cristi is on Thursday, the sixtieth day after Easter. The Eucharist is paraded through the streets in a `sconce'. The body of Christ. They do it on Sunday here.
The thing about Corpus Cristi is that it was only invented in about 1246 and was intended by the pope to chivvy up the locals who were losing a bit of the enthusiasm of Easter. Later the festival was used to remind believers of the victory of Catholicism over heresy. Doubters were advised to stay indoors (particularly in Castrillo de Murcia it would appear).
Tuesday 5 June 2012
An afternoon in 'The Lake District
I just managed to finish our new log store before it got too hot to work. The materials (mostly wood) cost about the same as a winter's supply of logs. A job well done and well worth it I say.
We went up to 'The Lakes' today where M fell and broke her leg two years ago, or maybe three. These embalses or pantanos are the reservoirs that supply Malaga with much of it's water. There was hardly any winter rainfall during the winter so the levels are well down. No hosepipe ban though and no sense of water shortage. You can swim, fish, kayak and pedalo in the lakes and there are concrete tables and chairs among the trees that surround most of them. At this time of the year they are not crowded, but it's half term in England and very hot so English voices ('Come on Charlie the water's lovely!') are plentiful. I haven't been back to this spot since Mo's fall, The paths down to the lake are sandy and stony and cause broken legs and a week in 'El Clinico' having you leg screwed and plated.
It's a beautiful spot though. There used to be built in barbecues among the trees but the danger of forest fires has seen them removed. There are some really big fish in the lakes and snakes too (allegedly) which has put me off swimming there but I don't mention the snakes to our visitors. On the way from Alora you pass the Camino del Rey and the railway bridge where the last scenes of 'Von Ryan's Express' were filmed. Not 'Ryan's Daughter' nor 'Saving Private Ryan', which are both better known. The Camino del Rey is in Alora municipality and our Ayuntamiento (town hall) is always promising to have it repaired. At the moment it is a death trap which attracts nutters from all over the world who are tired of living and have seen this film on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmDhRvvs5Xw
We went up to 'The Lakes' today where M fell and broke her leg two years ago, or maybe three. These embalses or pantanos are the reservoirs that supply Malaga with much of it's water. There was hardly any winter rainfall during the winter so the levels are well down. No hosepipe ban though and no sense of water shortage. You can swim, fish, kayak and pedalo in the lakes and there are concrete tables and chairs among the trees that surround most of them. At this time of the year they are not crowded, but it's half term in England and very hot so English voices ('Come on Charlie the water's lovely!') are plentiful. I haven't been back to this spot since Mo's fall, The paths down to the lake are sandy and stony and cause broken legs and a week in 'El Clinico' having you leg screwed and plated.
It's a beautiful spot though. There used to be built in barbecues among the trees but the danger of forest fires has seen them removed. There are some really big fish in the lakes and snakes too (allegedly) which has put me off swimming there but I don't mention the snakes to our visitors. On the way from Alora you pass the Camino del Rey and the railway bridge where the last scenes of 'Von Ryan's Express' were filmed. Not 'Ryan's Daughter' nor 'Saving Private Ryan', which are both better known. The Camino del Rey is in Alora municipality and our Ayuntamiento (town hall) is always promising to have it repaired. At the moment it is a death trap which attracts nutters from all over the world who are tired of living and have seen this film on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmDhRvvs5Xw
Monday 4 June 2012
Taxes
I've not had a minute to spare for the last four weeks. We have had three lots of visitors. I suspect they are getting a well earned rest now after being dragged round bars, Andalucian towns and cities and expected to love Alora as much as we do. We go back to England for a three month stay in two weeks so we have to tie up all the loose ends.
One of these is the 'property owners' imputed income tax'.
As we are not fiscal residents in Spain, the government here presumes that we are renting our house out, which we are not. We are charged income tax on these imaginary earnings and a form (210) has to be filled in and the tax paid between Easter and Christmas. There used to be a 'Wealth Tax' too but this was scrapped by good old Zap but the (now not so) new PP goverment may bring it back.
Form 210 is obtainable from the Agencia Tributaria (national tax office) on Calle La Parra. They don't have any. They didn't have any last year despite repeated requests. I was assured they would be coming from Madrid soon. I downloaded the forms from the Tributaria website and filled them in. I can only conclude that virtually none of the 1000 plus non resident property owners here in Alora are paying this tax, unless they are paying a 'gestor' to pay the tax for them.
A gestor does a lot of the work a lawyer does but specialises in taxes and many Brits use them to buy or sell properties and to deal with taxes. Our tax bill for the year is about 32€. It is calculated by taking 2% of the property's catastral value (usually much lower than the real property value and then taking 24% of that figure. (I think). A gestor would charge about 100+ € to do the work. The forms cost 1.50€ and so it doesn't really seem worth it. The tax authorities don't seem to care if you pay it or not, in fact we paid the wrong amount for years before reading the instructions correctly and changing the the amount on the next year's form and no-one noticed. The only problem comes when you want to sell your property. Somebody is then lumbered with all the back taxes for the unpaid years. (Ha!)
One of these is the 'property owners' imputed income tax'.
As we are not fiscal residents in Spain, the government here presumes that we are renting our house out, which we are not. We are charged income tax on these imaginary earnings and a form (210) has to be filled in and the tax paid between Easter and Christmas. There used to be a 'Wealth Tax' too but this was scrapped by good old Zap but the (now not so) new PP goverment may bring it back.
Form 210 is obtainable from the Agencia Tributaria (national tax office) on Calle La Parra. They don't have any. They didn't have any last year despite repeated requests. I was assured they would be coming from Madrid soon. I downloaded the forms from the Tributaria website and filled them in. I can only conclude that virtually none of the 1000 plus non resident property owners here in Alora are paying this tax, unless they are paying a 'gestor' to pay the tax for them.
A gestor does a lot of the work a lawyer does but specialises in taxes and many Brits use them to buy or sell properties and to deal with taxes. Our tax bill for the year is about 32€. It is calculated by taking 2% of the property's catastral value (usually much lower than the real property value and then taking 24% of that figure. (I think). A gestor would charge about 100+ € to do the work. The forms cost 1.50€ and so it doesn't really seem worth it. The tax authorities don't seem to care if you pay it or not, in fact we paid the wrong amount for years before reading the instructions correctly and changing the the amount on the next year's form and no-one noticed. The only problem comes when you want to sell your property. Somebody is then lumbered with all the back taxes for the unpaid years. (Ha!)
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