A tale of two women and a bitch on heat

 A Tale of Two Women and a Bitch on Heat

Isabel Pantoja












Avid followers of Spanish corruption cases will recall the case of Isabel Pantoja who was a famous singer here in Spain before getting involved with Julián Muñoz, corrupt mayor of Marbella who is doing time for embezzlement, bribery and corruption. La Pantoja, as she is affectionately known here, has been given 2 years jail for blanqueando dinero (money laundering) for Muñoz . La Pantoja, star of stage, screen, radio and Cash Converters had a long career and a string of hit songs, the most memorable being; 'Cambio  Por Tí' (I'll Change Money For You) , 'Te Puedes Fiarte de mí' (You Can Bank On Me) and 'No Me Gustan Lugares Limitados (I Don't Like Confined Spaces').
 La Pantoja doesn't fancy being locked up and, with the help of the best lawyers laundered money can buy she has lodged appeal after appeal. Last Thursday she was 'given 72 hours to go to the prison of her choice voluntarily or risk being arrested', and apparently this will mean 'staying in prison all the days of the week', not just Monday to Friday. Her son, Kiko, is not happy at all. His 2000€ a week pocket money will stop for a start. He asked on Twitter,  'Is  all of Spain happy now? I hate this country'. 'La Pantoja' will be joining her lover, Muñoz, and his ex-wife in Seville's Alcalá de Guadaíra penitentionary which has an excellent chef, free wifi and satellite TV in every suite. I expect she'll be out in time for the release of her new album, 'Live from Alcalá de Guadaíra'.

The Duchess of Alba

On the same day that La Pantoja got the black spot from the Málaga courts,. Maria de Rosario Cayetana Fitz-James Stuart de Silva XXV111 duquesa de Alba and Berwick-upon Tweed died aged 88. Cayetana, as she was affectionately (apparently) known was a multibillionairess, had more noble titles (over 40) to her name, than anyone else in the world and owned so much land that she could travel from Santander to Málaga (north to south for the geographically challenged) without leaving her property. 'All mine!' she was known to sing (to the tune of 'Y Viva España' ) as her limousine cruised duchesstically down the A-1 towards Burgos where the best morcilla (black pudding) comes from -Cayetana owned some of the biggest morcilla farms in Spain.
Most Spaniards believe that The Duchess of Almost Everywhere Including a Big Chunk of Scotland) was so posh that Queen Elizabeth 2nd. of Great Britain had to curtsey to her. This is a lie. She always denied that she had undergone any cosmetic surgery. That's a lie too.

The Bitch on Heat

Our Tommy has had his head turned by this beauty queen of the castillo.. Two of Joseli's many dogs are Chinese Shar-Peis, arguably the ugliest dogs in the world. But they do say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. With dogs it's all at the opposite end. Joseli makes a few euros breeding them and selling the cachorros (pups) to dog lovers with either visual disabilities or a sense of humour. One of them is on heat and has captured the heart of our Tommy, an innocent in these matters. He has been off his grub for days and spends all his time howling and panting and whining and living for his next encounter up at the castillo. It appears that the scent can be detected 'half a field away' (?).
 Joseli, who lets his dogs roam free, is mildly amused and tries to explain to me the finer points of canine reproduction by fairly explicit and unambiguous signs and some words I can't find in the Oxford  Concise Spanish Dictionary. I think Tommy understands them. I googled  'Do dogs get lovesick?' and the answers confirmed that he was indeed in deep. I have had to change his morning walk now to 'switch him off' and even Mrs. Sanchez is sympathetic. He seems to be over it now and I shall be looking around for a suitable gilrlfriend for him when we get back to Blighty next week. 'How're you gonna keep 'em down on the farm now that they've seen Paree?'


Last Sunday we were invited by two lovely ladies, both named Ana Molina to una comida (lunch) at Ana's casa de campo.(country retreat). One of the Ana Molina's was our good friend Antonio's wife. He died three years ago and the other Ana  is Ana's cousin. Bob and Christine came too and the party was completed by Santi Mámely and  Ana Molina's mother who may also be called Ana Molina. Twelve dogs had also been invited and Ana could name them all. ( all called 'Perro Molina') Ah, the country life! 
The afternoon was warm and sunny so the table was set outside (November 23rd. please note) and Ana and Santi peeled some naranjas (oranges) and seeded some granadas (pomegranates) for a salad.

                Ana Molina (foreground) and Santi Mámely preparing la comida



Instead of throwing he peel in the bin or over the wall, Ana hung it up in strips on the window's rejas. I had heard about this before, but the explanation I had been given by a patron of Bar Madrugón had seemed  bizarre and probably a wind up.

Not at all. 'For polvora',  said Ana .'We get 3 € a bag for the dried peel at Hermanos Ramos down by the station and they send it off to make municiones ¡Hay que ver!

Click on the link if you don't believe me.

The meal was lovely 

November 27th. 2014
 

Two Ronnies arrive in Álora.

                             Joseli up at the castillo with Álora in the background.


Yesterday morning,when I took Tommy up to el castillo (the castle) for his daily cat hunt the early morning sun was just about taking the edge off a cold north wind blowing  down from la Sierra del Torcal. The locals call it 'aire de arriba' (wind from up there). Joseli, the castle vigilante,  was up there huddled in the lee of the south wall with two friends and seven dogs. He was in one of his 'angry' moods, waving his arms around and shouting and pointing at something in the distance. As I checked Tommy for burrs and barley seeds in his paws I tried to make out what was going on. Not a chance. I could only make out a lot of 'coños' 'no vale nadas,' 'claros' and 'vengas'.  It could have been about the new entrance which is being built 'to make the castle look more like a castle' and not like the cemetery which it was until a few years ago. (and still is for scores of republicans who were shot dead up there by Francoists in 1937 and dumped in a mass grave; but that's another story and not in the Christmas spirit).
I thought they may have been discussing  almendras (almonds) which are very popular at this time of the year and are one of the main crops around here along with aceitunas( olives), limones (lemons), (naranjas) oranges and mandarinas (mandarins). There are a few almond trees planted around the castle hill but they never have any almonds on them. Joseli says the locals  pinch them all. It's not his job to stop them. It's usually building materials and floodlights that  disappear and that IS his job. 

Almonds grow well up here and further up into the mountains too. They need cool temperatures in the winter. In January and February the trees are covered in white blossom and appear to be snow covered. The nuts (not technically nuts at all, but seeds) are harvested from August onwards. At this festive  time of the year almonds are very popular and Mrs. Sanchez got a chivatazo (a tip off) that they were 1€ a kilo at Hermanos Ramos down by the station. We have no idea if this was a bargain or not but I was instructed to go and buy 5 kilos sharpish  before they ran out. A week of almond bashing followed. Mrs. Sanchez is making a kilo of marzipan for Christmas cakes.

 
                                Almond bashing machine (operative not shown)

Almond shelling can be a dangerous business. Nutcrackers aren't up to the job.  You need a good eye, a firm grip, nerves of steel, a broad vocabulary.and thumbs of rubber. We ended up with 1.3 kilos of shelled almonds from the 5 kilos I bought . The spare ones will be shelled, blanched and fried in a little olive oil and salted. This savoury treat is sold on the streets in Málaga in little paper cones. You can also buy them ready made by the 100 grams in Málaga's main indoor food market where they tempt you with plates of free walnuts and almonds. These free samples are irresistible and I have only ever seen one person take advantage of the abundant generosity of the stallholders by cramming handfuls into her mouth. She got told off too!!!  So embarrassing.  You know who you are.

Almonds are one of the many foods brought to Spain from the Middle East by 'Los Moros' who ruled Andalucía from 711 AD. to 1492 AD.and they are still used in manys ways, eg.  to thicken stews, to make ajo blanco (chilled almond and garlic soup) and best of all to make turrón which is sold in big slabs and  comes from JIjona (difficult to pronounce but hkheehkhohna  is an approximation)  (Alicante province) and is made from almonds and honey. Turrones (pronounced 'two Ronnies') are a Christmas favourite all over Spain and are on sale now in all the supermarkets. There are hundreds of varieties, many not even containing honey OR almonds. Some are just big bars of chocolate and what's wrong with that? Nothing.

 

                     Two varieties of genuine turrón from Jijona (or Xixona in Valencian).

Now that the weather has turned a bit chilly many residents, young and old alike are scurrying around with bufandas (scarves) wrapped round their necks and lower faces. People are advising each other to 'Abrígate' (wrap up warm) and greet you with "¡Qué frío!"( How cold!) or "Hace un frío que te pela"(It's really cold) or even "Hace un frío que te cagas" (It's ****ing cold) . It only seems a few weeks ago that the same people were complaining about the heat. '¡Qué calor!'. 

                Mrs. Sánchez checking out the weather before going to the shops for broccoli

It turns out that Joseli was only getting worked up about the new plastic sewage pipes which have been laid down by the river in case they build the new treatment plant in Cártama.

November 18th. 2014.

  

No bonfires in Álora. A homage to El Dorado.

 Burn, baby, burn. No fireworks and fun down here thank you.

Well, Bonfire NIght went off without a bang (or even a Wimpy) down here . I've decided to give up on any attempts to introduce this funfilledest of festivals to Andalucía. In a country, autonomous community and province that uses the flimsiest of excuses to have a party and a few days off work, I would have thought that Bonfire Night had everything going for it. After all, death by burning was a popular public entertainment here for many years until the supply of Jews and Muslims ran out and heretics  were always in short supply. It's possible that the high fines and prison sentences for causing forest fires here may put some people off, but who doesn't like fireworks, and a big bonfire with an effigy of a catholic freedom fighter on top? not to mention parkin, black peas, potato pie and treacle toffee? (apologies to people who have never heard of these festive northern taste ticklers).

                                           
                                                                  Parkin

                
                                                                   Black Peas

                    
                                                               Treacle Toffee


Well........everybody here, apparently, ....except in Coín. (pronounced coh-een). I have it on good authority that Bonfire night is very popular just a few miles or a few more km. down the road from here but, to be fair,  it is a bit near the coast where all manner of ex-pat activities go on. 

One or two (OK: both) of my regular readers may remember the highly successful but inexplicably short lived BBC soap called 'El Dorado' which was like the Archers but set on the Costa Del Sol. It was so unpopular that it only attracted 10,000,000 viewers for the last episode and is still the most popular Costa Del Sol based British soap in Mauritius.

Well, it was all filmed in Coín at a specially built urbanización (housing estate).

 

                                                        El Dorado   (Los Barcos)              

When the plug was suddenly pulled on it all the actors and crew were stranded without jobs, money or accommodation ( the actual buildings were just shells) so they stayed on and pretended nothing had happened. Most of them are still there, making a living signing autographs, doing building and plumbing work and running or working in English bars. Of course, they all look a bit older now.

                                              The El Dorado Cast in happier times


Polly Perkins (who played Trish Stringer) is still very popular down in Fuengirola. She did escape to England once to star in Eastenders but returned by popular demand. She was  on at The Salon of Varieties recently doing songs from Eastenders and does requests, I believe.

 

                                         Polly Perkins (who shares a birthday with me).

Anyway, it looks like the Bonfire Night goings on down in Coín are being organised  by Polly and the rest of the cast .I hear it differs from the traditional British version only by using an effigy of Alan Yentob/Botney  instead of Guy Fawkes. This satisfies  the sensibilities of the local Catholic population and sends a message to the BBC Controller who was responsible for scrapping the show.
To add insult  to injury it turns out that the whole  village of Los Barcos may have been  built illegally, as were thousands of houses round here during the property boom and could face demolition. This would be a pity as plans are afoot to revive El Dorado as a daytime soap in the UK. Honest.

November. 7th. 2014

Death and Corruption. Welcome to Spain. Man in Álora investigates.

Death and Corruption. Welcome to Spain. Man in Álora investigates.

Last week 51 politicians and businessmen were arrested on charges of corruption in 'Operación Púnica', the biggest anti corruption drive ever in Spain. Many of those arrested are alcaldes (mayors) of towns and cities and are accused of pocketing more than hundreds of millions of euros (about £195.30). Prime Minister Rajoy went on television and said he was sorry for putting people in powerful positions they didn't deserve. Almost all of those arrested are members of his governing party , the Partido Popular. Rajoy himself, is involved in a corruption scandal ( el caso Bárcenas) which is one of many 'casos' (cases) which tend to  drag on and on and on.

Possibly in an attempt to bury bad news Operación Púnica kicked off just in time for El Día de los Difuntos/ Muertos (The Day of the Dead) which coincides with Halloween and is very popular throughout Spain. More than 3,000,000 people took to the roads (many of them joining the ranks of the difuntos) as they headed to their home towns to pay their respects to dead relatives ( and have a jolly good few days of eating and drinking). It's another 'puente', when workers and children take a long holiday (Friday until Tuesday), so that they can do justice to the memory their ancestors.

                                                         A niche market

Death is very popular here in Spain.La Corrida (bullfighting),and flamenco are all about death and dying and Semana Santa (Holy week) is celebrated by a whole week of processions involving dead or dying statues of El Señor (Jesus) or grieving virgenes (Marys) accompanied by hooded penitentes and people carrying candles, crosses and sticks with brass tops. The Día de la Resurrección (Easter Sunday) generally passes without much fuss. No Easter Eggs.

                                           Viernes Santo (Good Friday) in Álora


Corruption is usually the aftermath of death  and also appears to be a national institution in Spain. For many years we thought it only happened in Marbella which used to have a mayor (Jesús Gil y Gil) who was famous for it. He even had his own section in The Rough Guide to Spain. Many of today's politicians attended his 'Colegio de Enchufismo y Prevaricación' in Puerto Banus or read his book 'El Sobre Marrón' ('The Brown Envelope'). He made his money in the construction business and was jailed briefly when one of his buildings collapsed, killing 58 people, but was then released on the orders of his pal Francisco Franco , a dictator.

                                                  Jesús Gil y Gil and friends


 When he was mayor of Marbella,  (he had his own political party, the 'G.I.L' and his own police force/bodyguards), Gil welcomed gangsters form Italy, Britain and  Russia and Nazi war criminals on the run. He was very popular and about as corrupt as any one could want to be. Marbella and the Costa Del Sol prospered. Poor people were either beaten up or paid to leave town. When he was banned from public office in 2002 he was followed by another member of the GIL party and graduate of the Colegio de Enchufismo y Prevaricación, Julián Muñoz who set about cleaning up the Marbella town hall. His girlfriend, Isabel Pantoja, was a famous singer with big hits such as 'Que dile dile', 'By Pumpin' Dolls' and 'Me Encanta la Pasta'. When Muñoz was given seven and a half years for money laundering, bribery, curruption and other bad stuff in the 'Caso Malaya' (Malaya Case)  last year, Pantoja was arrested too and convicted as a glamorous accomplice and sentenced to 2 years which she has yet to serve and a fine of over 1,000,000€ (about £200.00). She has agreed to pay the fine in 3 monthly instalments and was given until today to give herself up. She will probably be given a suspended sentence and a fortnight's engagement at Coco's Bar in Benalmadena................hot news: she got 2 year's jail and has three days to put in another and final appeal.

                                  Isabel Pantoja, Julián Muñoz and Maite Zaldívar 

The jolly lady on the right is Maite Zaldívar who is the ex wife of Muñoz  and was also arrested for money laundering in the 'Caso Pantoja'. She got two and a half years and gave herself up last Monday. She  has joined her brother, Julián, and her ex husband in the Alhaurin de la Torre Prison, just down the road from here.  Conditions there are so good that British prisoners there refuse to be repatriated to the UK. Conjugal visits are the norm so old Muñoz will be spoilt for choice if Isabel gets her ticket.
 As she entered the prison Maite said, 
'I want to start my prison sentence as soon as possible in view of the anxiety and stress I have been suffering' ..Bless. 


 And finally........Europe's first Ebola case, Teresa Romero, is due to leave hospital tomorrow with a clean bill of health. Her dog, Excalibur,  is still dead and she is very angry about it. 'I don't want interviews. I want my dog back!' she was heard to scream in Spanish. The dog was killed without any tests or proof that it was a possible carrier of Ebola. A dog belonging to an Ebola victim in the USA was spared. Her lawyer is preparing legal action against the hospital authorities for 'omissions and mistakes' which were made.
Here she is with her husband, friends and  hospital colleagues who have supported her throughout her struggle with Ébola and accusations that it was all her own fault.

                                             Teresa is in the classy jim- jams

Mrs. Sánchez and I wish her all the best.

November 4th. 2014