'It's coming on Christmas.They're cutting down trees.' Not in Álora, though'.

'It's coming on Christmas. They're cutting down trees'

There was a bit of a traffic jam up in town yesterday. This is not a rare event and the jam,as usual, was between the semáforos (traffic lights). Anyone familiar with this fine town of Álora (la bien cercada) will know where I mean as we only have one set of traffic lights. This particular jam was not caused by a driver abandoning his (or her) car (hazards on) between the lights to buy some cigarettes, have a quick mitad doble in Candelaria's or get a haircut at La Barbería Hermanos Cid. No. They were putting up our Christmas decorations. It won't be long before Santas are abseiling from balconies and snowmen grin at you from shop windows even though 90% of Perotes (Alorenians) have never seen snow.

Mrs. Sánchez and I usually only manage a quick festive tour of our gaily lit streets before it's time for us to head back to good old Brexit Blighty and our winter residence but we can always find time to take in Málaga's luxuriant luminescence.
Málaga Capital will be switching their lights on this Thursday, so on Friday we'll be off down there on the train to see them and maybe fit in a few tapas and copas.

2015 in Málaga

Álora 2015

 2014 in Málaga.




I know which I prefer. Málaga always goes a bit over the top.

Even though I'm getting very excited about all the Christmas stuff, what with all the festive adverts on English TV., Black Friday, eating turkey meat and paying a king's ransom for 50 second class stamps, let's remember....

....The Real Meaning of Christmas.

As religious festivals go Navidad (Christmas) comes in a poor second here in Álora. Semana Santa wins hands down. Baby Jesus, Mary and Joseph and the Angels can't compete with the pain and suffering of  Crucifixion Week. Consequently Christmas is, on the whole, a very quiet time. Some of the Easter cofradias and hermandades have even been putting on some Easter-style processions just to remind everyone who's boss.

            Jesús de las Torres and María Santísima de las Ánimas out for an airing.

The traditional festive frenzy of spending on presents and food is not very different from in  the UK but in Spain they have managed to separate most of the nasty commercialism (NOT the Real Meaning of Christmas) from The Real Meaning of Christmas. They have their Christmas at the usual time but give the presents on January 6th. (Reyes Magos or Epiphany) when The Three Kings take the lead roles.This is a much more sensible arrangement. You still get Noche Vieja (New Year's Eve), which is little bit livelier (if you're fond of grapes) and you can buy all your presents in the Rebajas de Enero (January Sales)

Apart from the Christmas Lights, Reyes Magos and Turrón

                                                              Turrón

                                                 Belén Viviente in Álora. 2015.

 the big attraction of the festive season here is all the 'Belenes' which pop up all over the place. These are 'nativity scenes' (Belén means Bethlehem and is a popular Christian name for girls as in  Ana Belén Roy who used to do the weather on TVE.) and once again Málaga has had to go over the top. The Ayuntamiento (Town Hall), in addition to mounting the biggest Belén in Christendom has published a guide to all the best Belenes in and around the city (67 differents chances to see all your favourite Christmas characters.)

                                                   Álora's Belén last year.

 Málaga's official Belén will open to the public on December 5th.in the Town Hall. It will have scenes representing all aspects of the Christmas Story including the angel's visit to Mary, Mary explaning to Joseph how she got pregnant and the Slaughter of the Innocents. The main feature, the stable scene in called 'El Misterioso'.

Rute, a small town near Córdoba has a chocolate one. Mmmm.

                                                    Rute's chocolate Belén.  
                      
 Did you know there was a boating lake in Bethlehem? 
 
Lots of families have Belenes in their houses. A lady round the corner from us, Pepita, has a big one in her living room and adds something to it every year. Mrs. Sánchez usually buys a figure or a building for it. You can buy Belén items at the same shops that sell the usual statues of virgins, crucified Jesuses, hooded 'nazarenos' and rosaries. Most towns have one.

These days many of the big Belenes have novelty items such as streams with running water, spinning wheels that spin, waterwheels that rotate, camels that walk, sheep that go `Baaaa', cattle that low, electric trains and a baby Jesus that sits up and says.'Who's the daddy?'

My favourite character is the 'caganer' ('crapper') . He is nearly always a man and can usually be found squatting behind a shed or a tree having an enormous 'dump'.

                                                                      A 'caganer'

These charming chaps started squatting in the  Belenes of Cataluña and Valencia in the late 17th. century (according to 'Friends of The Caganer') and are now a compulsory feature there. In 2005 Barcelona City Council commissioned a Belén without a caganer and there was a public outcry. The City Council capitulated and one was added quicker than  you could say 'Drop 'em!'

Originally caganers were dressed as Catalan peasants with a red cap but these days they are made in all shapes and forms.

Recognise this topical turdster?
That brings us to this week's caption competition. Answers in a plain, sealed envelope with the usual 10€ entry fee.

I can't resist a slight  scatalogical sidetrack  into Spanish 'shit' related slang, so anyone with a nervous disposition or a delicate stomach is advised to turn to page 45.

The Spanish love the verb 'cagar' (to shit) and cagarse (to shit oneself) and it's Chile's second most popular slang word.

'¡Ahora sí que la hemos cagado!'               Now we've really messed things up!
'¡Si Trump es presidente, cagamos!'          If Trump is President, we've had it!
'¡Cagó la lavadora!'                                    The washing machine is knackered!
'¡Cagó la revolución!'                                  The revolution was a flop!

Get the picture?

My favourites are the ones using cagarse :

'Hace un frío que te cagas´                       It's very cold.

Me cagué de la risa                                   That was really funny.

Se están cagando de miedo                      They are really worried.

There appear to be any number of ways to say  'Damn!'. Here are a few;


¡Me cago en la mar!                                      I shit in the sea.
¡Me cago en diez!                                         I shit in ten.
!Me cago en las autoridades!                        I shit on the authorities. 
¡Me cago en la leche!                                    I shit in the milk.
¡Me cago en la leche de tu madre!                I shit in your mother's milk
¡Me cago en la leche de tu madre, tu abuela y la vecina!     I shit in the milk of your mother,your grandmother and the lady next door.

I have never heard anyone say any of those in 15 years. People in Álora are much too polite, even though they all go around calling each other 'Coño'! and you can hear this one any day in any of the cafeterías and bars in  Álora;
'¡Ésta cagaillo mosca!'     This is fly shit. (this coffee tastes really nice.)

Anyway, getting back to The Real Meaning of Christmas, many towns and villages are trying to engage  with The Nativity in a more meaningful and personal way. The 'Belén Viviente' (Living Nativity) is becoming very popular. 

                                               Álora's 3rd. Belén Viviente

Álora is putting on its 4th, annual one this year. People dress up as 'nativity' characters and reconstruct Bethehem as it was when Mary and Joseph arrived. It's a bit like a school nativity play on the streets. In this short video of  Álora's first one you can see our esteemed and much loved Alcalde (mayor) Jose Sánchez Moreno (no relation) looking just a little embarrassed in his stunning Palestinian get up. Alora' fiirst Belen Viviente

The songs the children are singing are traditional Christmas songs called  'villancicos' .

Olive Oil News......... 

Olive crops round here have been disappointing this year. Everyone is blaming the lack of rain over the last two years. At last it's raining this week.

 Olivar Caicunes had a good crop of small hard olives which our team of enthusiastic volunteer olive pickers picked enthusiastically and we have 140 litres of picante (peppery) oil. A sure sign of good quality,
Well done everyone.

                                      Helga, one of our enthusiastic volunteers.

Feliz Navidad!

Juanito Sánchez. 23rd. November 2016 .




                  






 


 

Granada, you've got me under your spell. Sánchez and Sánchez visit the Moorish capital of al-Andalus

غرناطة (Granada)

 1492 was a busy year for Isabel and Fernando. She was the reigning Queen of Castile and he was King of Aragon. Castile was a far more important place than Aragon and it was Isabel who ´cortaba el bacalao' (was in charge). Fernando had made a fortune from pig farming and the sale of the still famous Teruel hams back in Aragon. Without his money Isabel could not have paid off all her brother Henry's debts or financed the war with Portugal, the Reconquista of Spain and the (unexpected) setting up  of the Spanish Inquistion.

In 1492 these cousins were two years away from celebrating their Silver Wedding and had spent most of their married life fighting somebody or other and grabbing more land as they went. 
At last they could be like a normal mature married couple and have a rest from bashing the Portuguese and biffing the Muslims who still controlled the south of the Iberian Peninsula. The Reconquista of Al-Andalus  which at one time had included most of Spain and Portugal had been going on for 781 years but for the last 250 years or so no Christians had really tried hard to conquer the Emirate of Granada, including  Álora which was severely bashed by modern artillery in 1484 and surrendered). Isabel and Fernando who are known here as  Los Reyes Católicos (The Catholic Kings) only made any effort during the spring and hot summer months, which is probably why it took so long. Nothing gets done here in August even now. 

                                           Al-Andalus in 1000 AD.(the green bit)

                                   Al-Andalus in 1492 (The Kingdom of Granada)
                                   (including Alora)

After ten years of fighting, Isabel and Fernando made a surprise attack in the winter of 1491-92 and won The Battle of Granada.  In January 1492 Emir Boabdil handed over the keys of the Alhambra Palace to Isabel, the Queen of Castile because she promised that all the Moors (Muslims) could keep their houses, shops and businesses and be free to worship as before. She could almost have called herself a 'one nation queen'. The conquest of Granada paved the way for a united Spain.

                                          Boabdil handing over the keys of Granada.

Emir Boabdil, who was really called Emir Muhammed X11, was in big trouble when his mother found out what he had done. She called him a coward. 'You weep like a woman for what you failed to defend like a man', she said, (according to Washington Irving in 1828). Boabdil didn't have much choice ,really, as all his subjects were revolting , the Alhambra Palace was mortgaged to the hilt and he believed all Isabel's promises. Some people never learn.
 The 'Alhambra Decree' didn't apply to the Jewish population, though, so Isabel, who was a very devout Christian from Ávila (like St.Teresa may have been) set about getting rid of them all or forcing them to become Christians on pain of death. She started on the Muslims  seven years later by ordering all farms and businesses to suppy the names of any foreign-looking workers they were employing  and brought in The Spanish Inquisition to catch any Muslims or Jews who were only pretending to be Catholics (they were after protestants too). We call it 'ethnic cleansing' these days.

One of the ways you could prove you were a Christian was to eat pork, so sales of bacon, pork chops,pork scratchings and ham rocketted. Guess who had the monopoly on supplying pork and pork products.

The Discovery of America

'Who in the world would ever have known
What Columbus could do
If Queen Isabela hadn't hocked her crown
In fourteen ninety-two'.

Jimmy Jones, Good Timin' 1960.

Meanwhile Cristofero Colombo or Cristóbal Colón ( or Chistopher Columbus), an Italian sailor, explorer and 'coloniser'  who had been trying to get sponsorship to indulge his interest in sailing ,saw his chance to raise some cash for a trip to Japan.
He knew that Isabel was short of cash after all those wars and was smarting because she had to let Portugal keep control of the West African trade in gold and slaves so he put this plan to her in Córdoba. He would discover new lands to rob and exploit in exchange for the rank of Admiral of the Ocean Sea and the post of Viceroy and Governor of all the lands he could grab for Spain plus 10% of the profits.
At first the Catholic Church tried to scupper his chances with Isabel by insisting that the Earth was flat  but most people by then didn't believe that old story and Queen Isabel saw a chance of cashing in on wealth from new territories and breaking into the profitable spice trade with Asia.
She agreed to sponsor him and later Spain colonised all of Central and South America.(except Brazil...those damned Portuguese again). The deal was signed in Santa Fe, just outside Granada, where you can buy delicious piononos at a shop called Ysla. (12€ a dozen!!.)
Not bad for a year's work, Liz. Naturally Fernando took all the credit.

                                           Piononos from Santa Fe  (yum yum)

'They all laughed at Christopher Columbus
When he said the world was round'

George and Ira Gershwin 1937

By May Columbus had got his deal and by August he was off to discover America which was already inhabited by lots of people who were getting on quite well without him, thank you very much. In October, with a following wind, he landed at  Guanahani which is in the Bahamas now. He renamed it San Salvador and thought he'd reached India. Many people think he made a mistake landing in the Bahamas but he never paid a peseta in  Income Taxes for the rest of his life so, as the song goes, 'Who's got the last laugh now?'
.
Granada has a big statue of Isabela and Columbus in La Plaza de Isabel la Católica and the main street in Granada is the Gran Vía de Colón but the city can't compete with Sevilla in the Columbus stakes. Sevilla has his body in the cathedral (or his brother's) and it's where he learnt about navigation. If he'd completed the course he might have gone the right way to Japan.

Last  Monday, Mrs. Sánchez and I set out for a couple of nights in Granada.

The city is dominated by the Sierra Nevada, which some people think is in the USA. Granada is famous for The Alhambra Palace (الْحَمْرَاء‎‎ )  which was completed in 1333 and used as Isabela's royal palace after 1492. It's amazing that the Reyes Católicos didn't knock it down and build a church on the site which is what they did almost everywhere else. Instead Isabel's grandson Charles V built a big ugly palace slap bang in the middle of it (see picture above). The Alhambra, which was really a small town, was occupied by French troops under Marshall Soult in 1812 who set about blowing it up when he was forced to leave. It was saved by the bravery of an invalided Spanish soldier, José García,  who threw himself across the line of gunpowder and saved what you can see today. A lot of Spaniards still dislike the French for what Joseph Bonaparte  did to them in La Guerra de Independencia. (We call it 'The Peninsular War' which starred The Duke of Wellington when he was just plain The Hon.Arthur Wellesley.)

The Alhambra is one of the most famous buildings in the world and visited by nearly 3 milliion people every year. It's so famous that they named a theatre in Bradfod and a pub in Brighton after it.


We gave it a miss. 
We went to La Cartuja instead. It's an old Carthusian monastery, built in 1516 which is on the number 8 bus route. We walked there. It's a long way..depending on where you start from.
It doesn't look much from the road but when you have paid your 4€ (2.50€ for 'pensionistas') your eyes get a bit of a bashing.
The Carthusian monks were noted for their austerity, silence and fasting so it was a bit of a surprise to go into the grand 'refectory' which looked a bit over the top for a few austere monks to eat their bread and water.

                                                                The Refectory

   The walls are lined with oil paintings by Juan Sánchez Cotán (no relation) and mostly depict the  horrible things done to Carthusian monks by Henry VIII of England. I knew about Thomas Cromwell, brilliantly played by Mark Rylance, but no-one ever said anything about this lot.

These are enough to put anyone off their grub, and at the same time there would be some jolly soul in the pulpit on the wall (see above) giving the poor monks a running commentary.
So much for fasting. Now for austerity. 

This is what the rough Guide to Andalucía says about the monastery,
'the grandest and most outrageously decorated of all the country's lavish Carthusian monasteries. The church is of staggering wealth... etc. etc.

 You really have to see the gold, precious woods, marble, jasper and silver that has gone into this place. So much for austerity.
The souvenir shop in the car park sells 'rosary petals, coffee, postcards etc. but also little plaques with an Arabic inscription that says 'There is no conqueror but Allah'. Curious.

We were feeling a bit thirsty and peckish after all this fasting and austerity so we sat outside a bar and ordered a couple of beers. Most bars in Granada bring you a free tapa without you asking. Sometimes they are quite substantial. We got two stewed pork rolls and some crisps; all for 3.50€.

Lovely grub!

Here's a few tips about visiting Granada.

1. Stay a couple of nights and see the real city. eg.Plaza de la Trindad and around.

2. If you want to visit the Alhambra you can  get in for nothing if you don't want to go in      the Nasrid Palace. (One gate up from La Puerta de Justicia). Get a number 30 bus up.

3. Have a drink in the cafetería of the Parador hotel. It's downstairs and serves non residents. It's got a great terrace and gardens that look out over the Generalife.

4.Get a number 31 or 32 bus from Plaza Nueva to the Albycin.  (Plaza St. Nicolas).

5.Have a 'menu del día' at Bar La Chanterela. Less than 10€ for three fabulous courses.

6. If you stay at Pensión Zurita make sure you tell the manager your car number or you'll get fined. We did last time we stayed.

7. If you stay in Plaza de la Trinidad choose a room at the back. They never stop cleaning this beautiful square so it´s noisy. They were using a leaf blower at 4.00am.

That's all for now. It's nearly olive picking time.

Juanito Sánchez

October 21st. 2016