El Tempranillo. Knife Crime - 18th. Century Style
On Thursday evening the house phone rang. The only person who intentionally calls us on the 'landline' is Ana Molina. We get a lot of wrong numbers too. I think Ana is the only person who has our house phone number.
'Buenas tardes Ana. Que tal?
'I'm just ringing to tell Mowree (which is what she calls Mrs. Sánchez) that we're meeting at las ocho y quince, tomorrow morning.
'Mowree's here do you want to talk to her?'
(Mrs. S. is shaking her head frantically).
'The coach leaves at las ocho y veinte but we're meeting at the Roundabout of the the Guitar at 8.15.'
'Vale. I'll tell her. Where are you going?
'To Ronda with the ayuntamiento, remember?' We talked about it.'
' You're going on a trip to Ronda tomorrow with Ana'
( Astonished look from Mrs.S.)
Semana Santa (Easter Week) kicked off today, Domingo Ramos (Palm Sunday) with two processions. They both came past our door. The first was La Pollinica , which features Jesus on a donkey, a band, and a few soldiers from Alhaurin el Grande.
The second one, which has just gone by, was Jesús Atado a la Columna (Jesus tied to the pillar).
I was out on the street with my camera for the second one because Javier told me that he was Lo del martillo (on the hammer). Being 'on the hammer' is a very important job in a procession and he asked me to photograph him bashing the bell on the front of the trono (throne) with a mallet. This tells the chaps carrying the heavy throne when to pick it up and when to put it down for their very frequent 'rest periods'. I'm not saying that carrying one of those things is a doddle, far from it, but If they don't all lift it up and put it down at the same time, all manner of disasters could ensue. It doesn't bear thinking about. That's what the bell is for.
The problem was that everybody was wearing capirotes (hoods), some with pointed hats. The hooded figure bashing the bell looked a bit small for Javier and showed no sign of recognising me. Nevertheless, I braved the clouds of incense and dirty looks from the 'nazarenos' (penitents) as I elbowed my way in to get a few good shots. I am beginning to think Javier was taking the piss....not a nice thing to do on Palm Sunday, I think you'll agree.
Javier runs Bar Madrugón in the top square with his wife, María Gracia and his dad, our old pal Manolo who has appeared many times in this venerable organ. Just wait till I get up there tomorrow.
'Want a light?'
The thrones they carry round in Málaga are massive. It takes about 300 lusty lads to carry one of these big boys.
In Málaga they carry on carrying virgins and sons all through the week but it goes a bit quiet here until the big processions of Jueves Santo (Holy Thursday) and Viernes Santo (Good Friday) so, as the weather was warm and sunny, I decided to paint our back wall.
Our back wall (the white one with nasturtiums under it)
Our back wall with Mrs. Sánchez in a straw hat.
There is an unavoidable high risk of death and/or multiple injury involved in painting our back wall. Equipment includes two strong ropes, two ladders, paint, a brush on a long pole and no safety net. It's a long way down to the bottom of the tajo (cliff) and as far as I know, no-one has ever survived a deadly accidental descent in the 3000 years of this town's history.
Ronda
Mrs. Sánchez enjoyed her visit to Ronda on Friday. The trip was only for women and cost 6 euros which included return travel on a luxury coach, breakfast and lunch. Needless to say, at that price, the coach was full. The highlight of the trip was a visit to the Museum of the Bandaleros.
Bandaleros were bandits who used to roam the Serranía de Ronda (the mountains), killing and robbing travellers. One of the most famous was called El Tempranillo, which is also the name of a grape and, indeed, he was known to be a bit of a one for the bottle. He only had one hand which did not impair his bouts of brutal but benevolent banditry much and he revelled in the sobriquet. 'The One-armed Bandalero'. He ended up as the Police Chief in Ronda.
These days all the bandits own souvenir and top end leather shops in Calle Espinel (also known as Calle de la Bola, which means 'The Street of the lie').
Ronda is called 'The City on the Cliff', and you must admit it bears an uncanny resemblance to our back wall. It's a very very popular place for day trips up from the coast and from Sevilla. On an average day you can't move for coachloads of tourists being shepherded around by tour guides with folded umbrellas or flags on sticks. They are probably on their way to the Bandalero Museum or the Plaza de Toros, Ronda's other famous building.
The main attraction, in Ronda, is El Puente Nuevo (The New Bridge) (opened in 1794) which joins the old town (La Cuidad) to the New Town (El Mercadillo). (see picture above). It spans the 120 metre deep (390ft,) chasm, which splits the town and is much deeper than the cliff behind our back wall. There already were two smaller bridges; the 17th. Century 'Roman Bridge', also called 'The Arabic Bridge' and the Old Bridge (built in 1616). The first 'New Bridge' was built in 1741 but it fell down soon after. Got it?
. The Old Bridge (with people on it) and The Roman and/or Arabic Bridge below it.
The confusion over the 'old, but not very old' bridges in Ronda continues with other historic sites in the town. The tour guides tell people that the famous bullring is the oldest in Spain. It's a very pretty building and is the only bullring in the world that has all-weather seating, but it's not the oldest, which is in Sevilla. There used to be an even older one in Birmingham but they knocked it down.
La Plaza de Toros, Ronda
Other interesting facts you will be told about Ronda usually begin with:
Local legend has it that.... or
It is said that...or
I may be making all this up but...
Here's a few to be going on with:
The Church of Santa Maria La Mayor is a cathedral. Nope.
La Casa del Rey Moro (The House of the Moorish King) was built in the 18th. century, over 200 years after the Moors were booted out of Spain as part of the ethnic cleansing programme carried out by 'Los Reyes Católicos' (Ferdinand and Isabella)) in the 16th. century.
There is no proof that prisoners were thrown off the Puente Nuevo during the Spanish Civil War, except in Ernest Hemingway's novel 'For Whom the Bell Tolls'. Mind you, at least one person every year throws themselves off it anyway- never the same person twice.
The architect who designed the Puente Nuevo, Jose Martín de Aldehuela did not throw himself off his own bridge when someone told him it was 'too archy', but died peacefully in Malaga in 1802.
La Casa del Rey Moro really was built on the the ruins of an old moorish building. Honest.
Legend has it that Emir Badis lived there. It is said that he used to drink wine from the skulls of victims he had beheaded. It must have tasted pretty awful.
La MIna de Agua.
If you pay your entrance fee to go in La Casa del Rey Moro you can go down the 300 secret stone steps of La Mina ( It is said that there were 365 originally) to the bottom of the gorge. Local legend has it that 'Christian prisoners' had to pass buckets of water from the Guadalevin River hand to hand up the steps all day long. There must have been a lot of competition to get a place on the steps near the top. The prisoners near the bottom had to lift heavy full buckets, which would be half empty by the time the got to the top and, if that wasn't bad enough, they had to climb up all the 365 steps to go home at teatime.
Most of Ronda's historical treasures have disappeared. It was a Roman city while Julius Caesar was chatting up Cleopatra, and during the 'Moorish' rule of Andalucía (711 AD. to 1492 AD.) it was a major regional capital called 'Arunda'.
In the sixties Ronda was struggling a bit. There were lots of people there with impressive pedigrees (a duke, a marquis, a count and countless 'senoritos') and no cash, who tended to live in the old 'Ciudad'. Foreign tourism was taking off down on the coast around Torremolinos and Marbella, about 60km. (36 miles) away,and rumours of easy money drifted up to the Ronda Serranía along with the aroma of fish and chips, Ambre Solaire and Watneys Red Barrel.
The Ronda Ayuntamiento sent a fact-finding delegation down to Fuengirola to see what was going on and to bring back some ideas to develop Ronda into a modern tourist destination. The Rondenian party returned looking a little worse for wear and told stories of rich foreigners, sun, sea, sangria and sex. The Ronda Ayuntamiento didn't want any of that 'how's your father' in their town, so they concentrated on 'day trippers'.
Ronda's main obstacle is the lack of sea. It also believes itself to be 'cultured.' (Alastair Boyd. The Road from Ronda)
A popular legendary 'couplet' goes:
'Si Ronda tuviera mar...Que mar sería!
('If Ronda had a sea, what a sea it would be.')
The implication being that the sea itself would benefit from Ronda, rather than the other way round.
Greedy for tourism, but with no sea within 30 odd miles, the Ayuntamiento knocked down the grand old market and built a posh new Parador hotel for people with real money, created a few legends, invented some historic places of interest and pestered the regional government for a new road from the Costa to Ronda to bring up coaches full of tourists who could spend the day there, buy lots of junk, have a few drinks and then clear off back to the Sodom and Gomorrah of the coastal strip before nightfall. To be honest, four or five hours in Ronda are more than enough time to take in all the 'sights', have some grub and a drink or two and long for the bright lights.
They got the road and the old formula still works....unless it's a coachload of women from 'lora. Mrs. Sánchez didn't see anyone on the trip spend any money at all apart from their 6 euros. That's what I call a good day out.
Mrs. Sanchez and the Álora mujeres 'shopping' on Calle La Bola.
Bar News
Good news and bad news. Local legend has it that Bar Mocho in La Plaza Baja de la Despedía (The Bottom Square) is going to close. A 'Se Vende' has gone up, so it may be true. Bar Mocho has managed to survive all through 'La Crisis' and is the last remaining bar on the bottom square. At one time there were three and a local club for vecinos (local residents. What a shame. The group of Brits who have their Sunday lunch there every week will be devastated.
The good news is that a new bar, called ....Zentral is opening just down from Cafe-Bar Madrugón. The jolly chap who owns it is going to open on Jueves Santo for the Easter weekend and then open again officially in May, which is not too far off. It's always pleasing to see a bar open in the Top Square, which is really a triangle and called La Plaza de la Fuente Arriba. He's got some apartments to let above the bar too, but I can't see those being finished until the end of the year. The important questions are:
1. Will it be open in the evenings?
2. Will the tapas be good?
3. Will it last more than 6 months?
Good luck Jesus!
An 'Irish Bar' is opening at El Fuente de la Mania which the Brits call 'the Island with the arch on it'. It's called 'The Garrison' .
What small Andaluz town could do without an 'Irish Bar'?
Answers on a postcard, please, avoiding the words 'shite', 'naff' and 'Guinness'
Tomorrow is Jueves Santo and rain is forecast. Bad news for all procession fans, bar owners and people with guests for Easter. If anyone can think of ideas in and around Álora to amuse two boys aged 4 and 8 and their parents during a wet Easter weekend please contact Man in Álora.
Juanito Sanchez 17th. April 2019
