The Battle of Vinegar Hill
It's a beautiful sunny Sunday morning here in Alora, but clouds are gathering back in the UK as the dreadful never-ending painful BREXIT saga staggers to yet another stage with this month's elections to the European Parliament.
Serial readers of this fine venereal organ will have noticed that I try to maintain a light-hearted uncontroversial, yet thought-provoking tone - free from political polemic or partisan propaganda. With that in mind here's a true story about European goings-on back in the olden days to take our minds off all this unpleasantness.
I'm hoping to have it made into a musical by Tim Rice and Andrew Llloyd Webber. It's a story of death, betrayal and bizarre coincidence. Could happen. Here it is:
A Simple Twist of Fate
In 1798 there was a big bloody battle in County Wexford, Ireland, near the town of Enniscorthy. It became known as 'The Battle of Vinegar Hill'. Over 13,000 British soldiers equipped with modern weapons and artillery delivered a severe thrashing to a similar number of poorly equipped Irish 'rebels' who went under the name of 'The United Irishmen' They were armed mainly with 'pikes' and didn't really have a hope in hell after the French army that was coming to help them, ran into a bit of rough weather in Bantry Bay, thought better of it, and cleared off back to 'Gay Paree'.
Gay Paree circa 1798
Ah do 'ope zat it's not raining outside, cherie. Zeese trazzers were clean on today.
'This left the 'United' side up Vinegar Hill without a fish supper'. (Winston Churchill. 'An Upper-class history of the World')
United Irishmen aim their loaded pikes at England's finest.
Lord Andrew Blayney, from Castleblaney was a very rich gentleman soldier who commanded the 89th. Regiment of Foot, known as 'Blayney's Bloodhounds' ; a fierce bunch of bloodthirsty bullies who were evidently not named for their humanitarian and charitable works. Blayney's Bloodhounds had a field day at Vinegar Hill, biffing, bashing and slashing their way through the helpless stick-wielding Irish volunteers. After roughly routing the retreating rebels, they then opened fire using cannons loaded with grapeshot, which was not made from grapes at all, but balls of lead designed to kill and maim as many people as possible.
Lord Blayney then enjoyed a meteoric rise through the officer ranks and became a Major General.
Perhaps surprisingly, The United Irishmen was a mainly Protestant organisation led by Theobold Wolfe Tone, who is known as 'The Father of Irish Republicanism'.
Wolfe Tone.
He wasn't very popular with the British authorities who wanted to lock him up, so he spent a lot of time in America and France drumming up support for an Irish rebellion. He even joined the French army and was aboard a French ship when he was captured a few months after Vinegar Hill at The Battle of Tory Island. (which, curiously, is a real place).
Even though he was wearing the uniform of a French fusilier and feigned a fondness for frogs' legs, onions and garlic he was soon recognised and arrested.
At his trial he made a stirring speech demanding Irish Independence and asked if he could be shot, not hanged like his brother Matthew. The request was refused but he died anyway a few hours before execution time from either a self-administered knife wound to the neck or a bullet wound. He was 35 years old.
And that was the end of Irish rebellion for a few years at least..
(possibly copied from 'The Death of Chatterton' by Henry Wallis)')
You may be wondering what The Battle of Vinegar Hill has to do with Alora or even Spain, well here it comes....
12 years later, in 1810, Spain was under the control of France, and Napoleon's brother, Joseph ('the bottle') had been made King of Spain.
After giving the Irish a good hiding at Vinegar Hill, Britain had been able to concentrate on what it liked doing best - fighting the French. The British Navy ruled the waves but their land armies, I've got to be honest, were a bit crap.
Down on the Costa Del Sol, about 150 Polish soldiers had volunteered to help out the French by 'defending ' the castle at Fuengirola. At this time Fuengirola (pronounced Fwen he roller) was just a small fishing village, but the decrepit, long abandoned Moorish castle there held a commanding position on the Mediterranean coast, just down from Gibraltar, which was bristling with British ships, sailors, soldiers and English pubs.
Joseph Bonaparte had decided to kill two birds with one stone by sending a few Polish lads down there to do up the castle, fix the plumbing and see off any attempts to invade southern Spain. (that's 3 birds, I suppose).
The man in charge of the Poles was Captain Franciszeck Mlokosiewicz. There were some more Polish chaps up in Mijas too (they're still there). The job was to try and stop the Brits in Gibraltar, led by Sergeant Richard Sharpe, from smuggling arms, cigarettes and duty free brandy to Spanish dissidents in Malaga.
The Spanish call this war ,'The War of Independence' (from the French). British History books and online scources call it 'The Peninsular War'.
On a warm Gibraltar October evening in 1810 Major General Andrew Blayney, still Commander-in-Chief of the 89th. Regiment of Foot (Blayney's Bulldogs) sat sipping a creme de menthe in The Star Bar on Parliament Street when he was approached by a sea-faring man with one leg who introduced himself as 'Captain Cutler, lately of HMS.Hispaniola'.
Under normal circumstances British Army officers did not speak to sailors in bars,
but Blayney liked the cut of this chap's jib and invited him to a cocktail as it was still 'happy hour' in the Star. Cutler had heard that Blayney was looking for a new gig to boost his waning rep. and so when Cutler told him about the weak defences along the coast and the fine sandy beaches, Blayney imagined this headline in 'The Gentleman's Magazine' ' Blayney's Bulldogs Ride Again.' and he was on the hook.
He had little difficulty in convincing 'someone' in London that he could easily invade Spain by landing 2,500 troops and a few French deserters near Malaga and then, after marching 35 kilometres (21 miles) down the N340, they could effect a successful surprise attack on Malaga.
Next thing you know he's got two frigates, five gunboats, 24 brigs, 34 troop carriers and assorted commandeered pleasure boats crammed full of armed 'bulldogs' , cannons, ladders and grappling hooks and he's off to Fuengirola beach, which everyone in the Star agreed was the best place to land 2500 men for a surprise invasion of Malaga.
To increase the element of surprise, Blayney arranged to land all his men on the beach below Sohail Castle at 2.00pm. when all Spaniards would normally be having a big lunch, followed by a siesta. He had overlooked the fact that the defenders were Polish, had just finished their 'second breakast', had already got wind of the surprise attack and were ready for 'the off.'
The plucky Poles pasted Blayney's Bulldogs and even sank one of the gunboats with a small cannon.
The next day two more ships arrived with another 1000 soldiers but Mlokosiewicz outsmarted them by leaving only wounded men to defend the castle and all the fit chaps set out to biff the Brits once again.
By this time Blayney was wishing he'd stayed in bed.
Just when he thought matters couldn't get worse he was captured by the sailor from the Star Bar in Gib. , but this time he was a French colonel with an Irish accent.
Colonel O'Callaghan, now a French officer and ex-member of The United Irishmen had fought against Blayney at Vinegar Hill in 1798. After escaping from Ireland , he fled to France and joined up to fight the English. You can just imagine how pleased they were to see each other after all those years. O'Callaghan was so overcome he kept Blayney prisoner for four years, while they waited for someone to come up with the ransom money. During this time O'Callaghan and Blayney toured Spain and France and eventually became firm friends. (everyone likes a happy ending).
Blayney subsequently made his fortune by publishing an account of their wanderings. It's still available from Amazon for £25.30.
By another amazing coincidence Mrs. Sanchez and I found ourselves, last Saturday night, in the very same castle where the battle of Fuenguirola took place
Well, they've done the castle up now and they put on concerts. It looks very smart and last Saturday Mrs. Sanchez and I went to see Bob Dylan there. He's 78 this month and still standing, with a little help from his piano. He performed for two hours and every minute was a gas, as people used to say in the sixties.
I hope you are still awake. All the above was aimed at readers with an abnormally long attention span, Bob Dylan fans and my friends in Ireland who are always up for a bit of Irish history.
It's very hot here in Alora at the moment, which is very nice. We've got the local elections next Sunday so we'll have a new alcalde (mayor) soon.
The new mirador up at the castle is all finished now but we have to wait for the official opening before we can use it. Perhaps it will be the new mayor's first official engagement.
The PSOE (socialist) Party are expected to win again this time after putting on two days of free entertainment with free beer, free sandwiches and a big paella. It works for me.
One of Epi's achievements has been the 'remodelling' of the arrabal (poor areas) of the town, which are all up by the castle around Calle Ancha. I was very sceptical about the new steps that they built and which lead nowhere.
..until the warmer weather came along and I started taking the dogs for an evening stroll round the castle.
It's the perfect shady place for the vecinos (locals ) to meet and have a bingo session!
Well done Epi! We'll miss you.
The other day I was watering the bougainvillea when a snake shot out from behind the container and disappeared behind some arum lilies. Monty spotted it too but wasn't quick enough to get a bite on the nose. I haven't seen the snake for a few years - it might be a different one. I managed to get a few photos of the last one which was a Horseshoe Whip Snake. They're not poisonous but bite if cornered (who doesn't?).
Here's a few more creatures that live in our garden;
Geckos
These little reptiles are everywhere now that the weather is warming up. Everyone seems to like them. They are completely harmless and shin up the white walls when we water the plants. Tommy caught and scoffed one once. I didn't get there in time. Not a pleasant sight.
Chameleon
We don't see this one very often, perhaps because it's camouflaged. They move very slowly and those big beady swivelling eyes are a bit worrying.
Praying Mantis ( The European Mantis)
I never knew these lived in Spain until I saw one in the garden. They're quite big (up to 9 cm, (3.5 inches)) and eat other insects including grasshoppers. Mrs. Sanchez is very fond of them because they eat garden pests but I don't like the look of them at all. The ones we have here just sit and look at you but I've heard they can bite you too.
They certainly bite male mantises. They are 'sexual cannibals'
Sorry, but they give me the creeps.
Bar News
Bar El Taller opened last week on Calle La Rampa, where Lo D'Antonio's' used to be.
It's run by Paco and Maria. We went for a glass of wine and a tapa there last night. It was very busy. The food is good and the menu is 'creative'. I had Callos a mi Manera' which was Callos.
It's always good to see a new bar open. I get the feeling that things are starting to look up again in Spain.
Before El Taller we had a helado (ice cream) in another new place, 'Morry's' Cafeteria'.
Our friends Antonio and Antonia were there with their grandsons. Antonio brought up the subject of Brexit so we left,
Morry's Cafeteria
The Garrison
I still haven't been to The Garrison yet - it never seems to be open when I'm passing. I was puzzled by the name, but I have been unreliably informed by a usually unreliable scource that it's named after The Garrison pub in Bordesley, Birmingham!
The same scource says it's all about 'Peaky Blinders', the very popular crime series set in Birmingham and filmed in Liverpool.
Here are Cristobal and Salvador with a couple of mates in the new Birmingham themed pub in Alora. All roight bab?
Here's The Garrison Pub in Birmingham before it closed and became derelict. It's been sold for £183,000.
Pie News
I can't wait to tuck into this Chicken and Mushroom empananda (pie) from Mercadona.
On the wrapper it says it 'may contain traces of shellfish and molluscs'.
Hmm.
TTFN
Juanito Sanchez May12th. 2019
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