Brush up your Spaniard. A Bit Below the Belt
Just over five weeks to go before we head to Portsmouth or Plymouth to board the good ship Pont Aven for Santander. I will check carefully which this time as I did drive to Portsmouth instead of Plymouth once. How we laughed.
That leaves 5 weeks to brush up my Spanish. How's it done? By meeting Spanish speakers at the weekly get together on Hurst Street? By listening to Spanish Radio and TV via the internet? By reading Spanish newspapers online? By watching DVDs in Spanish? Reading a Spanish novel?
I had planned to do all these and I've ended up doing what I always do which is to go through the 5 exercise books full of words and phrases I have picked up over the last 12 years. They are falling to bits now and I get through about a page a day before taking Tommy out for his morning walk. I test myself on vocabulary (right hand page) and 'useful phrases' (left hand page).
A selection of good intentions
Some time ago I reluctantly had to accept that I don't use most of the words and hardly any of the phrases. They are all proper Spanish as I wouldn't have taken the trouble to write then down neatly if I hadn't heard them used or seen them written down somewhere. I do know that on many of the occasions I've dipped into my treasure chest and used one in public I have been met with blank stares. I usually give it one more go just to be sure. I never get round to crossing them out in the books so I come across them again from time to time. I usually have a Spanish novel on the go and I suppose many of this useless stuff has come via the written word. Some I have obviously copied down wrongly but mostly they are words I thought would be useful, like andámio (scaffolding), amusing , like un tragaldabas (a greedy person, or someone who eats doorknockers) or rude and offensive.
Out of 39 of these Man in Alora blogs the second most popular, by a wide margin, has been 'Insulting Behaviour' so in an effort to play to my strengths here are a few which may amuse.
Those of a sensitive disposition my prefer to check their e mails, facebook or Twitter. You have been warned.
Confunde el velocidad con el tocino (he confuses speed with fatty salt pork) which means 'He doesn't know his arse from his elbow' is a good one to start with as there are many expressions in Spanish which use below the waist anatomy.
I used nalgas, in good faith, to mean 'arse' until Antonio Martos told me it was not correct. It's in the dictionary too. The most popular word for 'arse' is culo, of course, and crops up everywhere, especially por el culo (up the arse) as in 'me da por culo tener que trabajar' (I hate work) or le dio unpuntapié en el culo (he kicked him up the arse) or ¡Vete a tomar por el culo! or ¡Métetelo por el culo! (**** you!).
Curiously, un culillo ( a little arse) means a drop left at the bottom of a glass and 'Culo que veo, culo que deseo' (Arse I see, arse I want) means 'If I see something I have to have it'.
Another word for arse is posaderas which should not be confused with posadero which means an innkeeper or posadera, his wife.
I've just had a break (un descanso) for a bowl of warming soup. One of the words I have in my collection but have never used is un descansillo (a little break or rest) which means 'the landing on a flight of stairs'. I'm very fond of that one and look forward to a chance to use it.
Now back to the rude ones.
The rudest word I know in the English language (let me know if you have a ruder one) is, astonishingly, used all the time in Álora by men and women alike and as far as I can tell, in the rest of Spain. I am referring, of course, to '****'. See!, I can't bring myself to write it. It's that offensive. But not in Spain.
In general it's used to give emphasis. It is used to mean 'For heaven's sake!' as in '¡Vámonos ya , coño! (Come on, let's get a bloody move on!) or '¡Ni hablar, coño, ni hablar!' ( Not on your bloody life!).
Here's a few to remember:
¿Como coño? How the hell/f*** etc.
¿Donde coño? Where the hell? etc.
¿Porqué coño? Why the etc.?
¿Qué coño? What the etc?
¡Ni que coño! My arse!
¿Que coño quieres? What on earth do you want?
Lo hice porque me salió del coño I did it because I bloody well felt like it.
Viven en el quino coño or pino They live in the fifth **** or pine (in the back of beyond ) ????????????????
The dictionary I have says that coño is also the nickname for 'a Spaniard'. I wouldn't chance it if I were you. You could get a puntapié en el culo.
What on earth am I reading?
Here's a few of my favourites:
¿Cuando se te puso la mosca detrás de la oreja? When did you get the fly behind your ear? (When did you find out?)
Ha visto mas pollas que los urinarios de la mesquita vieja. She's seen more penises than the urinal in the old mosque. (She's been around) (might be a bit out of date.)
Es mas quemado que el cenicero de un bingo. He/She is more burnt out than the ashtray in a bingo hall.
Tiene menos dinero que una puta en cuaresma. He/She's more broke than a whore in Lent.
No tiene pelos en la lengua. He has no hair on his tongue. (He doesn't mince words).
¡Véte a freir esparrago! Go and fry asparagus (Piss off!)
Es mas lento que un desfile de cojos. He's slower than a parade of cripples
January 22nd. 2012
No comments:
Post a Comment