Regular readers of this humble organ may have noticed that there has not been a post for over a month. The truth is that Mrs. Sánchez and and I have been keeping a low profile since returning to Great Britain for our annual holiday in the rain. No sooner had the good old MV Pont Aven docked in Plymouth than a complete stranger sidled up to me and asked me to 'F*** off back to your own country you f***ing migrant!'. I can see the playful irony in being called 'Manuel' or 'Johnny Dago' now and then by a few sharp witted wags; in fact I prefer that to 'Back again you f***ing tax dodger?' which, unlike the 'migrant' slur, is a little too close to home, but 'migrant'? Me?
Getting 'a healthy tan' on your summer hols used to be the goal of every sensible fair minded and fair skinned Brit. Even the meteoric increase in melanomas in recent years has failed to deter determined sun worshippers with the price of a return Ryanair ticket to Málaga from hitting the baking hot beaches of the southern Costas.
Until now, that is.
Apparently someone has had this idea called 'Staycation' which is (very) short for 'Stay in your own windy and rainswept country for your summer holiday (vacation)'. Where Cancer failed to impact, the slump in the value of the pound has triumphed.
Holidays abroad cost a lot more now. Even Coco's Bar in Benalmadena is having to revise its policy of accepting good old pounds sterling over the bar.
This downturn in the power of the pound is due to something called 'BREXIT' which as far as I can make out is some kind of mass hysteria brought on by believing what posh people tell you about 'foreigners'.
Anyway, Watch out, staycationers! Coming back from your two weeks staycation in Towyn, Tenby or Torquay with a noticeable tan may now land you in trouble of a different tone. Previously mild mannered and moderate men and women may manually molest you with a finger prod to remind you that. 'We've got our country back now!' or 'We've got back control now!' or 'F*** off back!' (I think I've already done that one).
Consequently Mrs.Sánchez and I have taken to staying in a lot in our darkened sitting room, waiting to become white again; especially considering the neighbours we've got.
Thankfully the cold and rainy weather has kept us indoors for most of the time anyway (No hay mal que por bien no venga.) (Every cloud has a silver lining). We've kept ourselves busy by doing rompecabezas (jigsaw puzzles) and watching Good old Albion fall apart.
I hope you will all get well soon.
Speaking of getting well, I've been having a bit of a problem in bed recently, which I don't want go into in detail about at the moment except to say that I've spent the last two weeks trying to get an appointment with a doctor to find the cause of my discomfort.
Two weeks later I've still not managed to bag an appt. until two weeks next Friday when I expect to be staycationing on the Isles of Scilly (Waitrose By The Sea). I was left with the 'choice' of 'going on line' to book a 'triage appointment' with an unnamed contracted out operative who will tell me if I can have an appointment or not and when.
I tried this option but stalled at the first hurdle. It seems that I need a 'PIN' from the local health centre in order to 'access' the 'site'. I drove down to the Health Centre for my PIN, carefully avoiding eye contact with passing Brummies (who voted for BREXIT). The Health Centre was closed so I went home and looked at their website again which said they were, in fact, open.
That was last week. Today (Monday) I repeated the process and the Health Centre was open and guess what! Hardly anybody there. The nice uniformed receptionist looked up from the fan she was adjusting and five minutes later asked me if she could help.
'I've come for a PIN'
She smiled and gave me a biro.
'No. I need a PIN to book an appointment'.
'We don't call them PINs now'
'Well you do on your website, but then again it says there you're open on Thursdays so I came down here and you were shut.'
'It needs changing. Do you want a 'triage appointment?´'
'Have you any others?'
'Not until September'
'Yes please'.
I've got my 'Linkage Key' now, and my 'ODS code' and my 'User ID' (not PIN) which is 12 digits long. How am I going to remember THAT?
I'm going to book a triage appoinment.
Can the BREXIT be blamed for this too? They tell me that we may lose our EHIC card which, at the moment, entitles us Brits to free emergency health care anywhere in the European Union and EU residents can see a doctor here, free of charge.
Gourmet corner
Pie fans may be interested in a new mobile pie emporium being run by a very nice chap called Jay.
Jay makes 'gourmet Pies' and I met him at a food market where Sánchez and Co. were selling our top quality Olivar Caicunes olive oil, which, incidentally, is proving popular with the more discerning Brummie.
Here's a little gem I bagged in a boutique bodega in Aranda de Duero.
It's 'Cream of Black Pudding!!'
Can you imagine anything better to spread on your morning toast? I thought not.
Juanito Sánchez
July 27th. 2016
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