There's a lot of talk at the moment about 'fake news'. I find it particularly worrying because there are murmurings that even this popular and informative organ may have, from time to time, strayed from the path of righteousness and been a little economical with the truth. I would like to say to all those of you who depend on Man in Álora to keep you al día (up to date) with all the goings on in the world that, apart from the highly acclaimed feature Pie News (see below), not a word written here should be taken as 'news' - even some of the pies and particularly those 'quasi-pies' called 'pasties' pictured here in the past have seen better days.
I'm glad we've got that out of the way.
I'd like to welcome all our readers in Russia.
добро пожаловать (Welcome).
According to my 'audience figures' 319 of you have read my last post so far- or one of you has read it 319 times .
Russia
Speaking of 'fake news', (doesn't that just mean 'lies'?) why all the fuss? We all tell the odd porky pie now and then don't we ? especially to children who will believe anything, but we don't expect to find a 'fairy story' in the Non Fiction section at the local library (if we've still got one) do we? Who can we trust to tell us the truth?
Apparently, telling lies only matters when you tell them in a newspaper or another mass medium of communication when millions of people can be told the same story all at the same time. Should we expect them to tell us the truth?
My Dad, Juanito Snr., always told me not to believe all I read in the newspapers so I don't. He said that all the newspapers were owned by rich men and they printed lies all the time to keep down the working classes and persuade them to vote for the Tories. But that was a long time ago. We now have radio, films, television and social media which are owned by, er, well, mostly rich men. Even so, The President of The United States of America, Donald Trump, keeps banging on about fake news, mostly stories about himself, and he's rich enough to own hundreds of newspapers and is a pal of Rupert Murdoch who does own hundreds of newspapers AND television stations, so what's his problem, apart from being bald, racist, sexist and mad (all allegedly).
Here's my Top Five Fake News Stories
1. In 1924, 4 days before a general election, the Daily Mail printed a forged letter from a bigshot Russian Communist, Gregory Zinoviev telling British communists to take over the Labour Party. Labour lost the election.
Gregory Zinoviev (or Spike Milligan)
2. In 1989 the Sun led a campaign of lies, provided by the police, to blame Liverpool football supporters for the deaths of 96 of their fellow supporters. Interesting headline.
3. In 1985 the British Press organised a campaign against Winston Silcott, 'The Beast of Broadwater Farm' blaming him for the death of PC Keith Blakelock and and he was convicted on virtually no evidence. His conviction was quashed on appeal in 1991.
Winston Silcott
4. In 878 King Alfred burnt some cakes. This was story put out by the Wessex Advertiser to discredit the king.
Alfred the Great
The trouble is you don't know who to believe these days.
In the good old days senior citizens were seen as the people to go to for advice. They had lived a bit, seen lots of things and possessed wisdom. This is how it might have gone:
'Daddy, why do elephants have big floppy ears?'
'Go and ask grandad, Matilda, my child,. he's bound to know'.
You don't get much of that these days, do you? except perhaps in Soufourolaye or Romney Marsh where broadband and 4g haven't reached yet. Wisdom has no value anymore and old people just get in the way and can't even remember what they had for breakfast. A more likely scenario these days would be Matilda 'googling' a question on her Iphone 8 plus or simply just saying;
'Alexa. Why does Grandad smell of piss?'
I've been told not to believe all I read on Wikipedia too, because anyone can write anything there. I just can't tell what is true and what is bollocks these days. Help!
Here's an example of what I mean;
If you've ever been to Tooting Common (Bec or Graveney) in South London, England you may have noticed an annoying high pitched screech and took it it to be a couple of local women sharing memories of the previous evening's 'Strictly', 'I'm a Celebrity', 'Britain's Got Talent' or 'Gay People Dancing on Ice'.
But no. Look above your head. Do you see a flash of green?. There's another. See! Lo!
It's a Rose Ringed Neck Parakeet. (Psittacula Kramen).
A Ring Necked Parakeet eating a macadamia nut
Beautiful plumage. And there's lots of them. Further enquiries reveal that these tropical tweeters are all over South London, Surrey, and Kent. According to Dave Parrot (believe THAT if you like) of ParrotNet there are up to 200,000 of the little blighters in the south alone, putting pressure on local services and ravaging gardens and allotments in search of macadamia nuts and sunflower seeds. They are said to be driving out all the local British birds from Carshalton Beeches and taking all the jobs. But how did they get there from Africa in the first place?
My son-in-law, Miguel, tells it like this:
When they were filming 'The African Queen', starring Humphrey Bogart and Katharine Hepburn, at Shepperton Studios in 1951 they brought in a few parakeets as extras. (the rose ringed parakeet is native to Africa) but they soon escaped to look for food because nobody in the film crew had thought to bring any sunflower seeds or macadamia nuts which are the favourite fodder of this elegant fowl. And now they've even crossed the M25 and M2 , heading for The Isle of Dogs and Boreham Wood looking for more macadamia nuts and the flocks of South American Monk or Quaker parrots that live in the wild there and are their arch enemies. I wouldn't like to be around when the fighting starts.
Katharine Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart in 'The African Grey'
Sounds plausible to me.Another theory is that the original birds escaped from the aviary at Syon Park near Kew when a lump of ageing Boeing 707 fuselage fell from the sky, narrowly missing The Duke of Northumberland but completely destroying most of his collection of rare exotic birds and a statue of Marie Antoinette.
Hugh Algernon Percy. Duke of Northmberland
(a narrow escape)
There's a bloke called Dave that drinks in the Tom Cribb pub in Panton Street SW 1 who swears he saw Jimi Hendrix release a pair of Rose Ringed Neck Parakeets in Carnaby Street in 'the late sixties'. He can't be more specific for obvious reasons.
Could have happened.
This is my favourite:
My point is...who can you believe these days?
Incidentally, this might be the time and place to mention that my friend Alan Jones's father, who was also called Percy, owned a Rose Necked Parakeet back in the 1950s. It had been brought back to Wales as a present by his brother, Archie, who was a merchant seaman. During the voyage back from Johannesburg Archie had trained the bird to 'return home' much in the same way as homing pigeons are trained but by using macadamia nuts instead of black (pigeon) peas. Unfortunately young Alan let the bird escape through an open window just after it had eaten a hearty lunch and it would not come back. He was sent to bed in disgrace even though it was only 1.30 pm.
Alan's Uncle Archie
I think it's doubtful that Percy's parakeet can have been responsible for the Tooting Common parakeet population. Where would it have found another parakeet in Tonnypandy? Can parakeets fly the 143 miles (as the crow flies) to London. If a crow can do it, why can't a parakeet?Back in Álora, Antonio and Flores who run the little grocery shop in La Plaza Baja (Lo Mas Natural) told me they were coming to England for a few days in January. As is always the case they were going no further than London on their trip, not even to Oxford. I was unable to tempt them up to Birmingham for a day, even with the promise of a trip to Stratford-upon-Avon which is just down the road (A34) and well worth a visit.
Stratford -Upon Avon
Mrs. Sánchez and I have decided to act as the unofficial tourist board in an effort to build up tourism round here.
Birmingham
Obviously Birmingham would be the epicentre of a trip to the Midlands with its hotels, restaurants and clubs, its world famous Museum and Art Gallery (we've got almost all the Pre-Raphaelite paintings in the world, I'm told) and its canals which outnumber those in Venice. I could go on.
But what is there outside 'Brum'? (as we affectionately call the second city)
Well, there's The Severn Bore. for a start. ('The Severnth Wonder of the World') (I made that up).
The Severn Bore
Only an hour away from Birmingham by car lies Minsterworth and The Severn Bore Inn, named after the River Severn and a phenomenon, 'The Seven Bore' which takes place during every 'spring tide'. Twice a month at high tide in Sharpness a tidal wave heads up river and, as it reaches the narrows by Minsterworth, the wave grows to an amazing height. People come from miles around to watch the event which is even more spectacular when the moon is unusually near to the earth which it was last week. Tides as high as 10 metres were predicted. Some people even attempted to surf on the tidal wave.
Now isn't that worth a visit? Let's just say it's aptly named.
Pie News
Holland's Pies available at Asda
Apart from 'artisan' pies, 'gourmet' pies and the like, the best 'mass produced' pies are made by Holland's of Baxenden. They are pies to be eaten hot as are their close cousin the steak and kidney pudding. They are not to be confused with 'Pork Pies' which can also be scrumptious but which are usually eaten cold so that the jelly stays set.
I've been eating Holland's pies for as long as I can remember, which these days is last Friday. Unfortunately the Sánchez family fortunes have taken us further and further away from Lancashire, (Pieshire´), and the birthplace of the modern 'hot water pastry' pie and coincidentally, Uncle Joe's Mintballs, Wigan.
There are other great names in the pie pantheon; Greenhalgh, Poole and Galloway to name but two, but outside of Wigan itself Holland's have taken the Lancashire meat pie as far afield as Yorkshire, Birmingham and just about anywhere you can find an Asda. You can only buy them frozen but with careful handling and heating they are nearly as good as the fresh fellows. Last Friday I stocked up just a couple of miles down the road in Kings Heath. 16 pies and 4 steak puddings and I'll be back again as soon as there's room in the freezer.It makes life away from Álora almost bearable.
This week's Quiz
Which painted lump of wood had it's own, very successful radio show in the 1950s?
Answers, as usual, on a 50€ note.
Juanito Sánchez January 13th. 2018.
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