No Country For Old Men or Women. England expects....

No Country For Old Men or Women. England expects....

Britain's response....

'We've always known that to prevent is better than to cure'

Álora's response....

How quickly things can change! Only three weeks ago we were looking forward to continue 'living the dream' in Álora.Mrs. Sánchez, Monty and I were due to take the Plymouth to Santander ferry next Sunday afternoon, arriving back in the pueblo of the Perotes well in time for the start of Semana Santa (Easter Week).

It is not to be.

The Coronavirus/ Covid-19 pandemic, sweeping through Europe has closed down Spain completely and, as I write, the UK will be following suit very soon. It looks as though, being 'of a certain age', Mrs. Sánchez and I won't be able to venture outside our 'winter residence' in Birmingham, even to take Monty for a walk, for three months or maybe more, or maybe forever, until we die. Who knows?
Pensioner prison. Lockdown. Confined to Barracks sine die.

We'd only just cancelled our ferry booking when we found out that the Ayuntamiento (town hall) in Álora has cancelled Semana Santa (Easter) this year and the town has virtually closed down. All bars and restaurants have been closed and the only shops allowed to open are the farmacias, supermarkets and other food shops.

The mayor of Álora, Francisco Martínez ('Humillo', to his friends) announced on Saturday that all the Semana Santa processions were to be cancelled. This follows the announcement of a State of Emergency in Spain by Prime MInister Pedro Sánchez ( no relation). The ban on processions applies to all of Spain, even Málaga.

Here he is, Álora's alcalde (mayor) flanked by our neighbour Juani (on the right) and his armed body-guard (on the left), which he now needs after cancelling Semana Santa. The two people behind them are Amor y San Juan who won't be going out this year, either.

Unless you have lived in southern Spain or visited the cities of Sevilla, Granada, Córdoba or Málaga during Semana Santa you can not imagine what the cancellation of the Easter processions will mean. It is by far the most important festival there.The preparations have gone on all year. Málaga Province will lose over  €120,000,000 (£109,489,800) when  1.4 million  visitors stay at home under armed guard.

Álora puts on a famous spectacular called La Despedía every Viernes Santo (Good Friday) in the Plaza Baja de la Despedía, just at the end of our street. About 15,000, mainly intoxicated, people pack the square at 2.00 pm. to see this unique event.
Not this year! It´s a disaster if the Despedía is rained off, which happens now and then, but to cancel the whole of Semana Santa is unthinkable. Poor Álora!

La Despedía 

If the curfew is keeping you indoors and you run out of dvd box sets or you don't have Netflix, click on the link above to watch last year´s Álora Despedía. It's wicked (as young people used to say).

Calling off Easter in Britain will probably go unnoticed, unless you're a regular churchgoer. (Church services have been called off). I wonder how God will cope with ´lockdown'?- he´s well over 70.

The kids will still get their chocolate eggs, which are starting to become popular in Spain too - even though they soon melt in the heat. I don't think they'll catch on. We never had 'Easter Parades' in England either, as far as I can remember. They are an American thing, starring Judy Garland and Fred Astaire.

But what about Daisy Nook Wakes? (or Daisy Nook Easter Fair, if you're posh). They can't call that off, surely!

                               Daisy Nook Wakes

  That was the best thing about Easter when Mrs. S. and I were kids in Oldham - three days of fun in the mud, rain and sometimes, hot sun (as I remember). Silcock Brothers used to provide the rides and sideshows and still do.

'r

 L.S. Lowry used to go too. He painted this picture in 1946 (That's Mrs.S. in the perambulator, bottom right.) 

FYI; This painting used to hang in Margaret Thatcher's office in 10 Downing Street, which we all now affectionately call 'Number 10', or 'where number 2 lives'.)

In the interests of my readers in the Greater Manchester area I spoke to Mr. Silcock himself, yesterday, to ask him if the fair will be cancelled. He said they were waiting to see what Boris Johnson (allegedly The Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland) says in the next two weeks. So don't despair yet. 



Now Spain has closed its borders and commandeered Spain´s private hospitals too. Nice one Pedro!

,

                          Pedro Sánchez (no relation)

I rely heavily heavily on my 'special correspondent on the ground' for the local Álora 'skinny'. That's not his name - though he will be very soon, what with the kebab shop being shut. This is what he told me about el toque de queda (curfew).

'The police are being extremely laid back, the Guardia even more so. Apparently, on the coast they are being a bit more heavy-handed with the fines. ...The rules/laws are so opaque that any self-respecting cop would hestitate to enforce them. Basically, walking around for the sake of it is illegal now, however walking with a dog is not. Walking to (essential) employment, the supermarket, ATM or to visit a sick elderly person is okay but discouraged.
Going to the doctor or pharmacy is okay, but don't walk the long way home (unless you have a dog) or look like you are enjoying the walk.
Driving to the gasolinera (alone) is okay. With a dog is even better. Couples walking on the beach without a dog are about the easiest law-enforcement target. They just don't have an excuse unless they are marine biologists.'

Thanks for that, Simon. (not his real name).

So there you are.
I believe that all the stray packs of dogs in Álora have already disappeared and some people are disguising their donkeys, children and wives/husbands as dogs so that the get a bit of fresh air.

                      Señor Velázquez from up the road.

Mrs. S. and I are trying to keep our spirits up here in Birmingham which does take some effort at the best of times. I'm filling this period of self-incarceration and economic inactivity with learning to play the piano, the guitar and writing poetry. Here's one what I wrote earlier.

 Corona Blues

You may talk of isolation

Awaiting incubation
While toilet rolls are flying off the shelves,

And shoppers going manic

Grabbing pasta in a panic

And the rich are buying kits to test themselves.

You may shrink away in fear

If anyone comes near. 

They only want to spread their germs about.

It only takes a sneeze

To pass on the disease

You'd better stay in bed and not go out.

I wouldn't go to Spain.

You won't get back again.

There's nothing much to do there if you did.

The shops and bars are shut,

Including Pizza Hut.

They've even closed the brothels in Madrid.

With a temperature and cough

You'll know it's kicking off,

But even then there's still no need to worry.

Just dial up 111.

An ambulance will come.

They'll have you breathing O2 in a hurry.

But if you're 70 plus

You'll have to get a bus,

And all they'll do is show you to the door.

"No test or cure for you!"

"It's probably just 'flu".

"Stay in another week until you're sure."

"Go home and lock the door."

"We're working on a cure".

"The hospitals can't take you older lot"

"Perhaps, a few months later

We'll have a ventilator.

By then you'll all have snuffed it, like as not". 

Plenty more where that came from! (!)

Bars News

In Álora, they're all shut...although there was a report of crowds around a little bar in the Callejón, after the deadline.

Pie News 

It was Britain's National Pie Week the week before last so we used our new pie mould to produce this little blinder.

Another Sánchez special. Veal and ham hock.

Praise also for this contribution from a reader in Liverpool. 

It's a traditional Lancashire meat pie using shortcrust pastry, which Mrs. Sánchez suggests is a courageous choice of casing.

The filled

 The pie

 The product

 

 

 Mmmm. It looks almost good enough to eat!

Please feel free to send us pictures of your favourite pies, pie-related jokes, adventures and embarrassing pie experiences.
We must apologise in advance that there will be no prizes and, sadly, we will not be able to print all your contributions owing to lack of space and public appetite.





See you soon (if we're spared)

Juanito Sánchez 18th. March 2020.