Yesterday I went out to buy two dog whistles (two dogs, so two dog whistles, right?). After reading my previous blog I decided the best place to go was J. Hudson & Co. (Whistles) Ltd. which by a fortunate co-incidence has its premises in Birmingham where Mrs. Sánchez and I are 'veraneando' (summering) at the moment. I was hoping to combine my trip to Britain's 'Second City' centre with a visit to Birmingham's world famous Indoor Market to buy a watch strap, a pair of Craster kippers and some pork scratchings. Also a neighbour of ours who manages a sunglasses shop had implied that he could 'fix me up' with a pair of designer frames. A busy day ahead, then.
How I imagine I will look in my new Ray-bans
Unless you are a vegetarian, never go into Birmingham Indoor Market with full pockets and an empty stomach.
The sunglasses tip turned out to be "to' pa' na' " (todo para nada in Perote talk) (all in vain) ; my neighbour wasn't at work that day, so, with Craster Kippers, watch strap and pork scratchings in the bag, I flashed my Centro Concessionary Pass at the fat layabout at the Moor Street Station barrier and boarded the next train for The Jewellery Quarter. It was a warm July afternoon.
Birmingham's world famous Jewellery Quarter.
The Jewellery Quarter is in the Hockley district of Birmingham and was a bit run down for a time even though for 250 years it has been a thriving centre for jewellery manufacturers, jewellery shops, bullion dealers, watchmakers and repairers, you name it.The Birmingham Royal Mint is just down the road. That venerable establishment was banging out 1€ and 2€ coins until 2013.
These days The Quarter has bars, restaurants, a Museum of the Jewellery Quarter, a Pen Museum, (see blog 9/3/14) and a Coffin Museum (they made coffins for Joseph Chamberlain, Winston Churchill and the Queen Mother).
I was looking for J. Hudson & Co. (Whistles) Ltd. on Barr Street. I had it on Google maps so I turned left after leaving 'Jewellery Quarter' station, down Vyse Street and found Barr Street which turned out to be a very long road full of fringe businesses selling mobile phone paraphernalia, 'solutions' and boarded up warehouses. After walking for 15 minutes in the wrong direction and another 15 back, Barr Street ran out at the A4540 internal bypass. After an uphill walk to a footbridge and another 20 footslogging minutes I found the rest of Barr Street and located J. Hudson & Co (Whistles) Ltd. just up from Ced's Car Alarms and Porky's Cafe.(Mmmm.) . By this time the kippers were making their presence felt.
244 Barr Street, Hockley.
They are obviously not expecting passing trade. You could call it one of Birmingham's hidden treasures. The building looked abandoned, like many of those in this god forsaken backwater but I rang a rusty bell and a young male voice asked me what my business might be.
'I wish to buy a whistle or two.'
'Wait there I'll be right down'
The door was opened by a freshed -faced bespectacled youth who led me up an old, creaky wooden staircase with faded tiled walls to the 'Whistle Room'. Birmingham ought to adopt it as 'The Whistle Museum' (and it probably will as my new best pal, Carl Rice, Lord Mayor of Birmingham reads this blog (I think)).
All available wall space contained cabinets full of J. Hudson & Co.(Whistles) Ltd. products, past and present, including the world famous ACME range of megaphones, bird callers, bosun's whistles, reed horns, police and infantry whistles and, of course, that world famous 'teachers' friend', the 'ACME Thunderer', immortalised by the world famous Liverpool Beat Poet, Roger McGough.
'He Who Owns the Whistle Rules the World'
The Acme Thunderer.
I had one myself during my brief but eventful career at Christ's Church County Primary School, Beswick, Manchester.
(If any ex pupils read this, perhaps in Russia or the Turks and Caicos Islands, please resist the urge to contact or pester me in any way or I will take out a court injunction against you. So watch it!))
I told the enthusiastic George (Pepys!) (who reminded me of the the lad, Geoffrey, assistant to Hetty Wainthropp in the very popular TV detective series , 'Hetty Wainthropp Investigates, which can still be seen on the Drama channel), that I was looking for two dog whistles as I had two dogs, one with perfect hearing and one with a moderate to severe bilateral hearing loss. He performed a number of facial contortions indicating deep thought and replied,
'I think what you want is not 'two dog whistles' but a 'two dog whistle' and we have just the thing. It will turn out much cheaper than buying two dog whistles. What colour did you have in mind?'
'I think yellow'.
So off he went into the bowels of 244 Barr Street. (he may have been the only person in the building for all I know) and returned with two yellow plastic whistles. One played at a lower pitch than the other. I chose the higher pitched instrument as it is common knowledge that dogs hear higher pitched sounds than humans.
'The deaf dog will be able to hear this and the other will hear any whistle. So you only need one', he explained.
'I'll take two'.
Such wisdom and in one so young!
The Acme 210.5 dog whistle.
"I'll take two!"
George told me he had been working there for four years, starting as an apprentice in the warehouse. He really liked his job and was happy to answer my questions and let me take some photos.
The Titanic Display. Acme Thunderers were used to marshall people into the lifeboats as the Titanic was sinking. In 1991 an original one was sold for £3100.
George Pepys posing in the imposing portal of J Hudson & Co (Whistles) Ltd.
244 Barr Street, Birmingham.
If that wasn't enough excitement for one day, the kippers and I passed by Porky's Cafe and headed back up to take the train back home. Perhaps it was all the excitement or the heady, smoky, fishy aroma emanating from my plastic carrier bag but I ended up on the wrong train.
There appeared to be a sigh of relief from the other passengers as I jumped out at Solihull station.
I called Mrs Sánchez, who is the 'go to' person on all matters of public transport and she advised me to take a 76, 6 or 5 bus 'if I could find the stop'.
Luckily my Centro Concessionary Pass is good on the buses too!
I found the stop and got on the first number six. No double seats empty. I sat next to a very presentable Solihull lady who got wind of my kippers immediately, as we say up north.
I was grateful for a call from Mrs. S. to see how I was getting on as she needed the car and I'd parked it at the station. It took the heat off me (and the kippers) a bit, and I was saved from further embarrassment when two burly lady bus inspectors boarded the bus. I flashed my pass confidently but the chap in the seat in front got nabbed. No ticket.
Things got nasty and escalated.
'This bus is not moving till you get off!'
'I pay your wages to bully me. I have epilepsy. I am disabled. I not moving.' (He was a bit foreign).
' Leave the bus, sir, or we will evacuate the bus and transfer the passengers to another bus and wait for the police.'
You could tell that the other passengers were hoping for the evacuation option as the kippers, by this time, were half cooked.
After a seemingly interminable stand-off, they tossed him off. The poor chap took the walk of shame down the aisle of the bus and got off. I think the kippers broke his will.
The lady next to me got off two stops later.
What an exciting day. We had the kippers with scrambled egg this morning. Delicious!
This week's competition
How many whistles/harkers/megaphones can you see in this poodle picture?
Answers, as usual with the £10 administration fee to Sánchez and Sánchez. Box 311. Alora, Malaga.
Juanito Sánchez July 14th. 2017
I assume the kippers were still OK after their ordeal of being cooked twice and you'really not writing this from hospital :-) Peggy
ReplyDeletedelicious.
ReplyDeleteWonderfully amusing as always, I was getting a bit worried at the lack of posts recently, v glad to know all is well, albeit not in alora. We shall be visiting again in September, this time hopefully for a spot of house hunting, so I'll keep an eye out and perhaps coffee might be in order. Kind regards, Deb & James
ReplyDeleteThanks, I'll look out for you outside Cafe Madrugón.
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