Whistle Blowers, Sanguineous Sausage and Revolting Catalans.

Whistle blowers, sanguineous sausage and revolting Catalans

Antes que nada (First of all) I must offer my apologies to Julian Clary and his lawyers for a mistake I made in the last edition of this venerable but humble organ.
King José 1st. of Spain (Joseph Bonaparte) was not really married to Mr. J. Clary, star of the stage and witty radio panellist . His wife was, in fact,  Julie Clary who was born nearly two hundred years before the popular entertainer and animal lover.

                                              
                                Julie Clary Bonaparte ( Born Julie Clary in 1771; died in 1845)

                                                Julian Clary, popular entertainer.

You've got to so careful these days when you write an extremely popular and informative blog like this. A simple typing error can get you into all kinds of trouble.I hope that this will be the end of the matter.

I missed the Eurovision Song Contest again this year so I missed Great Britain's sucess in scoring some points. Here in Álora not everyone was rooting for the Spanish entry, 'Do it for Your Lover', sung by Manel Navarro Quesada, a Catalán 'teen idol' who allegedly (careful Juanito) only qualified as Spain's entry by rigging the votes. Manel's reply to the accusations of skullduggery was a 'corte de mangas' to the studio audience who were booing and hissing him. 

Here's Manel giving the corte de mangas to the audience.

Here he is giving a victory 'V' sign at the Eurovision  final.

This was just before for he sang a gallo (bum note) The judges responded by returning the V sign and giving him 'nil points'.
Spain came last. Manel is now known as 'El gallo' (The Cockerel/ Bum Note).

 It doesn't matter to millions of Spaniards because he's Catalan and therefore to them,'not Spanish'. That's why his name is 'misspelt'. There's a lot of animosity towards Cataluña because it is trying to become independent from Spain and because  Barcelona FC.  keeps beating 'real Spanish football teams' like Real Madrid and Atletico Madrid. (sometimes)

                                                Catalan flag (blue version)

There was a Catalan referendum in  2014 which resulted in 88% of the 35% of the Catalan population who could bother to vote voting for independence. This was a non- binding referendum (why didn't Cameron do that?), so when the Catalan government announced it was going to declare independence anyway, Spanish Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy said 'No way José!' (¡Ni hablar de la peluca, José!) even though the Catalan president was called Artur (Arthur) Mas. Mas is now banned from holding any public office for two years. The new Catalan President, Carles Puigdemont is a big fan of Nicola Sturgeon and together they have formed a new 'We Want Independence' club. 

                                         Nicola Sturgeon and Artur (Arthur) Mas

 Members so far include the USA, The Turks and Caicos Islands, Yorkshire and London. 

Progress with Pretty Boy George (Monty)

The 'Man in Álora' office has been inundated with enquiries about the Sánchez Spaniel, Monty, now 5 months old, and in particular about how he is finding life in Álora.

Well, apart from the heat and the oily food he has voiced no complaints so far. All the local strays and 'homies' of the Plaza Baja presume he is 'son a 'Bro' Tomás, innit. (Tommy's son)  and so they're scared of even 'sneak disssing' him, let alone 'getting crunk wid him' as they say round here. 

                          Plaza Baja  perros showing respect for 'el Niño de Bro' Tomás '

The only sign of disrespect was up at the castle when a crazy macho (male) Shar Pei  'went postal' with Bro Tomás. Tommy flashed his Perote snarl and snap and the ugliest dog in the world 'did one'. Monty was well impressed, I can tell you.

His training programme se dió en un hueso ( hit a snag) a couple of weeks ago when Mrs. Sánchez realised she can't whistle. Like most problems these days it was solved by Dr. Google who suggested a dog training whistle. Apparently the only whistle any self respecting canine will respond to is an 'ACME 210.5'.

                                                            The ACME 210.5

Contrary to popular opinion, a dog whistle doesn't have to be inaudible to the human ear -  as long as the dog can hear it. Dogs can perceive a far higher range of high pitched sounds than humans but,  how do you know  a silent whistle's working if you can't hear it?

                          A British bobby blowing a  'ACME Metropolitan' police whistle

During my brief but eventful career as a teacher I was obliged to be 'on playground duty' every few days. The only compulsory equipment for this thankless sacrifice of my morning coffee break was an Acme Thunderer whistle, as essential a piece of teacher kit as a police whistle was to a bobby before they invented walkie-talkies and a referees whistle was before.....oh, they still use one and it's usually the 60.5 model.

Acme Thunderer 60.5 (200 million sold by year 2000)

'A primary school has introduced a ban on whistles on the grounds that the “aggressive” noise can scare children.

St Monica’s Catholic Primary School in Milton Keynes has said instead of using whistles at the end of playtime, staff must raise their hands to tell pupils when it’s time to stop.
The ban was revealed by Pamela Cunningham, a teaching assistant at the school. In a letter to Country Life magazine, she said she still keeps her hand-carved whistle in her pocket “just in case” the children don’t spot her hand in an emergency.
Alan Smithers, a professor at Buckingham University, has described the ban as "crazy".
He told The Sunday Times: “We have become extraordinarily oversensitive. Does this means children are not going to be able to play football and hockey because the referees use whistles? 
“What about fire alarms? Sharp noises are very good signals. This seems crazy to me.”
The decision has also provoked a reaction on social media, with Twitter users describing the ban as “idiotic” and “ridiculous”. John Roninson, who works for a stage lighting company in Huddersfield, wrote: “Some mornings you wake up and wonder if you're in a parallel universe.”'

The Independent. 22nd. May 2016

' 'Hand carved whistle??? Not an ACME Thunderer,then.

                                       World War 1 Hudson Whistle, dated 1915.

Anyway, all these ACME whistles and many more are made by J Hudson & Co. of 244 Barr Street, Birmingham They have been making whistles there since1883 when Joseph Hudson discovered that you could make a more powerful sound by putting a pea in the whistle.

They still employ 100 workers, make over 5 million whistles a year in 93 different shapes and sizes and export to 119 countries.

It was the sound of a J. Hudson whistle that sent thousands of British soldiers 'over the top' to die pointless deaths in World War 1 but  their best seller was the 'Metropolitan' which was issued to London's policemen instead of 'rattles'.

They saved a few lives too. 

Today Hudson's Tornado 2000 is 'the most powerful whistle in the world' and can reach 122 decibels which is very loud.

ACME TORNADO 2000

 Good News From Álora

Tenacious followers of this honourable publication may remember the tragic loss of water at Alora's Roman Fountain on La Canca. Mrs. S and I used to obtain all our drinking water there as did hundreds of Perotes. Rumours were rife about what had caused the abrupt termination of supply. The appearance of a big commercial citrus fruit plantation nearby was linked by some  very cynical commentators to the 'sequía' (drought)

Now we have water again!

                                                                  Last week

                                                                  Last year

Too late for us. We had a very expensive water purifier installed last year so we can use the town's tap water.

Congratulations to all involved in restoring the flow.

Noticias sobre las morcillas  (Black pudding news) (Skip this, Clive).

For black pudding enthusiasts I would like to recommend El Bar Nuevo in Casarabonela for its outstanding morcilla.
    Only a few picturesque kilometres away from Álora, Casarabonela ('Bonela' to residents and frequent visitors) is home to a morcilla casera (home made black pudding) which is de puta madre (the dog's bollocks). It is quite dfferent from the morcillas I have tucked into around Málaga and nothing like the famous morcilla de Burgos which has been my favourite until now. This scrumptious sanguineous sausage is the closest I have come in Spain to the world famous Lancashire liplickingful  Bury Black Pudding.

                        Morcilla casera. El Bar Nuevo de Casarabonela (and chips)

You can buy this porcine delight at either of the two carnicerías (butcher's) in 'Bonela. The  nearest to Álora is just through the town archway on the left. Mmmmmm.

¡Qué aproveche!

Juanito Sánchez.  May 29th. 2017